I had my graduate ceremony today, even though I don't completely finish my program until the end of July. It's a little weird to walk a few months earlier than I feel I should, but it's better than having to go back to walk after a few months of being out of school.

I don't generally feel celebratory about graduations, mostly because I question the meaning of my own. I feel like I fooled the university somehow, like I was able to fake it through my year here long enough to get a Master's. I'm not going to feel smarter or more capable the moment I get my diploma, and I'm pretty sure I'll feel similarly when/if I get my MFT license. With this kind of attitude towards my own education, you can see why I wouldn't really be into my own graduation.

It wasn't until after the ceremony that I spent a little time weighing on what life has been like for me this past year. I may not have felt strongly about my academic education, but I'll be damned if I wasn't somehow transformed emotionally and personally in the same time span.

And ultimately, that's what it's all about, isn't it? Today I celebrate my interpersonal and intrapersonal growth from my year in grad school. And today's ceremony will remind me that long after I've finished my program, I will remember how much it has tested my strength, and I will remember that I am capable of more than I think I'm capable of.

Okay, here's another question that was prompted by my Tuesday night date with MF...

For straight guys: do you feel weird when a girl takes you out to an expensive dinner and pays?

For straight girls: would you take a guy out for an expensive dinner?

"Expensive dinner" in both these cases involve dressing up.

Today, I turned 25, officially a quarter of a century old. I could do with a little more wisdom, though. I know a lot of people don't, but I'm looking forward to 30 for that reason... not that there's anything wrong with being in your 20s.

It's been very low-key today. I spent a couple of hours with my supervision group this morning, worked for most of the afternoon, and went to classes in the evening. A lot of birthday wishes were sent my way either by text, email, ecard, Facebook messages, or voicemail messages, and I picked up a birthday call from my parents this morning and from MF at night... nice how the most important people in my life kind of anchored the day like that.

No, I don't have birthday plans. I think I gave up celebrating my birthday very much years ago, partly because it fell so close to Mother's Day that more people were mostly preoccupied about their moms, and mostly because it fell around finals season and a lot of people would be pretty busy for finals. It's sad to downplay my own birthday for that reason, really.

But when I turn towards upcoming events I'm really looking forward to, like MF coming back next week and my family coming up next weekend for my graduation ceremony, I celebrate that. Those visits are what I really want for my birthday.

Anyway, thank you all for your birthday well-wishes, ladies and gents! I promise that I'll actually try to celebrate my birthday next time, something photo-worthy so I can post pictures up. After all, I deserve it, right? :)

Poll #1184422 "Which of these is better?" Poll #24
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Just out of curiosity, I want to know more about wingmen. I mean,I know that they can be there to help with the "divide and conquer" strategy. But is there something else they do?

Also, I'm seeing this thing in Craigslist where guys are asking for female wingmen. What? What exactly do female wingmen (wingladies?) do? Or are those posters just finding a subtle way to post for a date in the platonic section?

I have a lot of single male friends, and if I could help them out by being a winglady for them, I totally would.

It's that time of year again. The time of year in which suicide rates are highest. (Did you know that? The highest suicide rates are in May while the lowest rates are in December.) But I'll get to this in a second.

One of my professors is a pretty strict behaviorist. He maintains that all problems can be attributed to either "too much of something" or "not enough of something," frequently both. Bored? Too much time on your hands, not enough to do. Fight too much? Maybe it's too much yelling and not enough listening. Want a boyfriend/girlfriend but don't have one? Maybe you're not meeting enough people. Or you're too focused on someone else but not on yourself. Or even vice versa. Etc. It sounds rather basic, but it's a useful concept for the problem-solving part when you're trying to figure out what to do.

The same professor today says that a lot of the milder mental health issues--anger mismanagement, panic attacks, bulimia, depression, for example--can be attributed to lack of assertion. People are spending too much time ruminating over something but aren't spending enough time problem-solving. Or, more specifically, too much time is spent ruminating instead of just asking for what you need.

This is where assertion comes in.

Maybe I've just been getting tired of datinandrelatin. It's just the same old story, really: somebody is getting mixed messages about something and they want to know what their love interest/friend/family member is really thinking. And almost every comment to these posts are, "Talk to them." But lots of times, the poster feels scared about talking to them. Sometimes it's legitimate (e.g. abusive situations), but most of the time, people will respond to reasonable requests. And you won't always get what you want, but you can certainly get it more often when you ask than when you just sit around and hope things will change for the better by itself.

Sometimes you get what you need when you ask for it in a reasonable way. Sometimes you don't get it, but then you're forced to ask yourself why you're in a situation where you're not getting what you need.

Here's an example. Once, I was upset at MF for not spending enough time with me. He had just started law school, and we were 3 timezones apart. I felt really guilty about asking him to call me more often or spend more time with me on the phone, because I had heard stories about the first year of law school and how it can be a relationship killer. I felt bad about trying to exert more pressure on him. But the longer I put off talking to him about it, the more frustrated and upset I got. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, so I sat down with him on a night where he did have time, and I told him that things needed to change. He's been a lot better about setting aside talk time with me almost every night now, and on the especially busy nights, he's been able to let me know, and I have a much easier time letting him have that space than I used to. Thanks to asking and some other important factors, it worked out great. But it wouldn't have happened if I didn't ask.

But what would've happened if he said he couldn't give me that extra time? I had a pre-set answer to that, too. "If I'm going to have a boyfriend, I need him to be able to spend this minimum amount of time with me. If you can't do this now, get back to me when you're done with law school if you want to work things out." I wouldn't have gotten him to spend more time with me then, but I would've taken myself out of a stuck situation, waiting for some guy who just wasn't going to give me what I needed. And honestly, would I really want to have stayed with someone who didn't even want to make some time for me, even just a bit? Nah, pass, kthxbye.

Oh wait, I said I would get to the suicide rate thing, right? Well, I was gonna lead that into depression. The paradox of (clinical) depression is that the person starts to isolate themselves from the things and people they used to like. And it's really challenging to get out of that isolation; when you haven't been social in so long, it's damn scary to try and reconnect with people you haven't kept up with. But that social reconnection is exactly what you need. And you have to ask for it. It might take several attempts before you click with someone, but without even attempting, 1 out of 20 attempts is still so much better than 0 out of 0.

Ultimately, you gotta start by deciding that you deserve better. Once you get that down, it's easier to build up the courage to ask.

I think I may now be addicted to butter mochi.


(photo ganked from Google Images)

My roommate made some last night and let me try some. The only thing that stopped me from asking for more is that I finished off whatever was left in the pan. SO DELICIOUS.

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Edit 4/30/08: This is bad. It's so craveable that I'm still thinking about it today. I hope she makes some more this weekend! :)

Hi again, people. Like I mentioned in the last public post, I'm working on a paper/project on long-distance relationships, and I'd like some feedback from those of you who have been or are currently in an LDR.

I'd like to hear some of your backstories on your LDR(s) and how they turned out as well as what kinds of support you would have liked at the time you were involved in an LDR.

I'll include my own background with LDRs in the comments, just to kind of start things off. If you have any friends who would like to include their feedback here, I'd encourage them to do so! :)

This post is for university students, or, well, anybody having to write papers and do lots of citations.

I'm working on a paper right now and just found this awesome resource online for doing source citations. Carmun has several sets of forms to help with MLA, APA, and other styles of citations. All you have to do is type in the relevant information (title, author, etc.), click "Submit," and they'll generate the citation listing for you. :)

Okay, that's all. Back to work! (In case any of you are curious, I'm taking my previous post on LDRs a step further and am writing a 10-14 page paper on a counseling approach towards LDRs.)

An LJ friend wrote:

"So, currently, I don't believe in an afterlife. But I've gotten to thinking: What is lost in spending a lifetime of believing when the worst that can happen is believing until your grave and then not even finding out that you were wrong? How painless! Indeed, I have more to lose now being a non-believer potentially heading off to hell for non-believing. So: What's there to lose in believing?"

I can see his point, and it's a thought that's crossed my mind on more than one occasion.

I have wanted to believe again, and not just for the possibility of salvation. I've long been feeling a sense of loss and longing in terms of spirituality, and the small patchwork of spirituality that I've developed for myself so far falls very short from a true belief. Is it strange that I'm not even completely sold on the ideas of my own spirituality?

But it's true. I've kept spiritual ideas that I'm comfortable with, but I'm not convinced that these comfortable ideas are what I find to be "my truth," my bedrock of faith.

This LJ friend points out that there's nothing to lose in believing, but the caveat is that you've got to believe. I can go through the motions of the faithful, and the Church can have my energy and time, but it won't have my heart and soul. And I don't think those are things I can just give freely to whomever or whatever I want, no matter how much I may want to.

Hi LJ. It's me, Phuong. It's been awhile since you and I have had any deep, meaningful conversations, and I'm really sorry about that. It's wrong of me to just come to you for posting polls and photos/posts of my new bento obsession. And for reading my friends page for daily updates. But baby, I swear, I'll try to be better about...

What? Me, writing in another blog? No, LJ, sweetie, no, you're being crazy. Don't be so jealous. I...

Well, okay, I'm not gonna lie. Yes, I have been secretly blogging somewhere else. No, I'm not gonna give you a name. Okay, to tell you the truth, I just wanted some space elsewhere to vent instead of having to lock everything down with you. I swear, that other blog? My relationship with that blog is not gonna change my love for you, LiveJournal.

Did I say "relationship with that blog?" It's more like friendship, really. We're just friends! You know how you have things you only talk about with certain kinds of friends? I can talk to you about a lot of things, LJ, but there are some things that I think you just wouldn't understand. And I needed a honeymoon period with a new blog for awhile, just to get my old creative angst back again. You remember how my blog entries used to be in terms of quality. It's complicated.

LJ, I know you've got every right in the world to be mad, and it's not because I've been blogging somewhere else, but because I've been keeping it a secret from you. I'm sorry that I wasn't upfront with you. Can we still be friends? I'll share one of my entries from the other blog if that'll make you feel better.

Just know that you'll always be my #1 blog, LJ. The other blog doesn't have polls, voice posts, email post options, and communities like you do. And, baby, we've got history longer than any boyfriend I've ever had. I think that oughta say something about my staying power with you, LJ.

Love,
Phuong

P.S. I'm not gonna post a link to the other blog, but should any of you readers here happen to find it, please don't let me know, okay? I can write better there when I don't feel like there's an audience.

Dinner tonight:



A slightly brighter photo here.

Ingredients:
- Steamed zucchini, asparagus, and carrots, very lightly salted
- Canned corn with a little Sriracha sauce on top, both for the spicy kick and to emulate "worms"
- Hard-boiled eggs with carrot and zucchini pieces to make the faces
- Ramen noodles (chicken-flavored)

And it was all unintentionally vegetarian! I think going for color really encourages me to put more veggies into my diet.

Are you sick of the food-related posts yet? :P

P.S. Hopefully, my next roommate will be a photographer, so I can post better photos of these meals!

As per last week's post, I'm starting up bento boxing (bento box making?). I bought this really cute box at Lucky's yesterday with 3 compartments. It was designed to hold sandwiches and cold snacks, but I've never been much of a sandwich person, so I decided to put something else in instead.

My bento box today:
Snack box - Apples & oranges
Sides box - Sauteed zucchini and mushrooms with sun-dried tomatoes
Main box - Rice-a-roni (Mexican)

It's not cute, but it's gonna be yummy and colorful. And I did attempt to make it cute; I cut the zucchini into hearts and stars, but sauteeing them made them less cute.

Photos to come later. Right now, my rice-a-roni is being cooked.

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Edit: Photos!

( Bento! )

Not that cute for my first attempt, but the colors were pretty and it was VERY tasty, so... *high fives self*!

I think my next attempt will be a "bird's nest" ramen box. Planned:
- Ramen noodles for the nest part
- Two hard boiled egg "chicks", pictured in the last bento post
- A side dish of corn
- A small snack/dessert of gummy worms? :P Or vienna sausages cut into the shape of worms (I love sausages with my ramen)
- If I don't do the gummy worms, then the snack/dessert will be banana chips and walnuts

I'll be doing some baking on Thursday afternoon anyway, so I'll probably attempt this for my Thursday night dinner break between classes.

I've been thinking about going into making bento boxes, 'specially on a regular basis. It'll be a great hobby, because:

1) I'll be more nutritionally aware of and involved in what I'm eating, which hopefully will mean a healthier diet!
2) There's something psychologically comforting about food that's visually good-looking.
3) I'll get satisfaction from knowing that I can prepare something beautiful and appetizing.
4) I can start a photo blog strictly on bento boxes (which I think would be a way fun blog to do!)
5) I can show off to people at work or school. That's always fun! :P

So I'm thinking about accruing bento supplies. I'm not sure what this will involve quite yet as there's more to the art than just the cute little bento boxes, but I'd imagine that there are utensil holders, sauce containers, molds, mini cookie cutters, etc. It's intricate, time-consuming work, so I'd probably just want to try it once a week once I get started.

BUT JUST LOOK AT HOW CUTE MY MEALS CAN BE OMG

(I probably won't make them as fancy as mmmbento does, but I'll be darned if I don't try a few times!)

Also, I'd imagine it could have very therapeutic applications for kids. Imagine being a kid and earning your own awesome bento box after working so hard on x issue! Yes, very awesome indeed.

In the meantime, I'm gonna try to make one of these guys:



Site note: my birthday's in about a month, so if you were wondering about birthday gifts, bento-related items are a plus this year. :)

I'm totally longing for travel adventures again. My 2006 was characterized by travel, and even then, I still wish I did more traveling. By comparison, man, what a downer 2007 was. 2008 is already a quarter gone, and I won't have any time available for travel adventures until August. What should I do then, especially on a limited budget?

I know. Road trip!

Now how cheap can a road trip be? And how far can I go with whatever time I have? My parents want to do some kind of special dinner party thing as a graduation gift, so I estimate about 1-2 weeks off for some roadtripping. I think if I'm really hardcore about it, I can probably make it to the east coast and back, but that's just crazy. :P

Have any of you done some serious roadtripping, particularly around the west coast? Any advice, tips, or recommendations for me?

Threadless is having a $5 for some of their shirts! Most of the guys' shirts are sold out, but if you're a gal in need of some cool shirts, check out their sale here. No April Fools' joke. :)

I just bought myself some damned fine shirts. XD

Has anyone noticed that a large number of Disney movies involve a child or children with one or both parents missing?

Here are some that came up in my discussion with my siblings:

- Cinderella
- Snow White
- Bambi (halfway through the movie, of course)
- The Little Mermaid
- Aladdin (Aladdin was an orphan, and what happened to Jasmine's mom?)
- Pocahontas
- Pinocchio (does this count?)
- The Aristocats (though in the end, they technically acquire a cool stepdad)
- Dumbo
- Jungle Book
- Lion King (Mufasa! Why?!? :( )
- Peter Pan
- Tarzan (Tarzan was orphaned as far as I know, and Jane only had her dad)
- Lilo & Stitch

And these are just the Disney Classics! We could also count Finding Nemo to the list, too, if you want to count Pixar movies.

The one we came up with that involved two present parents was 101 Dalmations and Mulan (though Mulan's beau seemed to be missing a mother). There may be a few others, too, but we had a harder time with this list than the first list.

Anyone have theories as to why this is so? I'm a little baffled. I mean, American movies involving the parent-child bond aren't typically set up this way, are they?

This is a reflection post from last year's post on the same subject. Last year, I tried to define it more operationally, but when you try to define something like love operationally, it loses a lot of soul. Love is always going to be vague because there are so many different kinds of ways we closely relate to people.

Psychology's Robert Sternberg did a better job of talking about the different varieties of love based on 3 scales--intimacy, passion, commitment)--but he did it without really talking about the basic love aspect very much (or if he did, then the bulk of attention had gone into his categories).

I think the thing to take away from here is that perhaps being "in love" with someone comprises of all 3 scales; that is, being in love means that you feel intimacy and passion for someone and are willing to make a commitment towards them.

The concept is simple enough, but in real-world application, it's more complicated than it sounds. It gets complicated when one person feels strongly on all 3 scales and the other person doesn't (on one or more scales). Even when we're not talking about romantic love, when we're talking about other types of relationships like platonic (intimacy only) or familial (intimacy/commitment), it's ideal an ideal relationship if the scale levels match for all parties involved.

Perhaps in a filter I'll talk about my experiences with different combinations of these scales.

In the meantime, what are your thoughts or experiences on the concept? Agree/disagree? Too simplified? Success stories? Need advice?

I picked up and tuned my guitar today. It's mostly been sitting in my closet since I moved in almost a year and a half ago. I picked it up today on a whim, mostly because a song, The Faces' "Ooh La La," was stuck in my head. Something told me that it was a simple enough song to learn, and when I went online to look at the tabs, I was right.

I surprised myself by singing and strumming "Ooh La La" on the guitar. It really lifted my mood, and I also took the time to learn "Anyone Else But You" (which some of you may recognize from Juno).

I think mostly the reason why I let myself pick up the guitar today was because my roommates and neighbors were out doing their Easter festivities today, so I didn't have to feel self-conscious. :)

I think it was a priest who told me once why we abstained from meats during the Lenten season. He said that back in Jesus's day, those meats like beef, chicken, and pork were expensive, so the practice of abstaining from them was so that we would use that money to give to the poor. Nowadays, Catholics seem to have lost the meaning behind the Friday meat abstinence, and some may use it as an excuse to have that lobster and/or shrimp dinner.

The same priest--oh, maybe it was Father Ray from SCL--had mentioned that Catholics in other parts of the world have different practices for Good Friday. Instead of abstaining from beef, chicken, and pork, they make a conscious effort to do a good deed.

This is the version of Catholicism that I like and am willing to practice. We're used to the repressed version that seems to deny us pleasures without reason, but I really think that behind all of that, there's a more loving, generous side that's overshadowed by its flaws. Like its congregation, Catholicism is not perfect, but and there's a richness and complexity behind its mainstream facade.

Anyway, back to good deeds and Good Friday. I think as part of the practice of doing good deeds, it's also a good idea to reflect on good deeds that others have done for us, even if it's part of their job. And I think it's also okay that those good acts be unintentional, as long as their effect is significant and positive in some way.

Some good deeds/acts of kindness that I've encountered this week alone:
- A 10-year-old boy gave me some flowers he picked on Monday at Golden Gate Park.
- A teacher left me a handwritten note in my mailbox, thanking me for working with her students.
- A fourth-grade girl walked up to me yesterday and said, "Ms. Phuong, you're so pretty!" on a week when I was feeling a little down about my looks.

And in the past:
- A parent took me out to lunch when I left my money/bank card at home and had no lunch.
- At the risk of being late for Be Kind Rewind, MF ran to find me some eyedrops for my eye when flecks of something sharp were stuck in my eye.
- A classmate wrote me a really nice endorsement for my LinkedIn account without me ever asking her to. (I made the endorsement private because I wanted to write her one in return first.)
- MF's sister let me crash on her futon whenever I was staying in SJ super late.

What are some good deeds you've done or encountered recently?

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P.S. Maybe this nicer post about Catholicism is to make up for my sacrilegious icon from yesterday's poll. See? Balance of good and bad wins again!