Every major relationship I've been in has been an LDR at some point:

1) First BF - High school sweethearts, separated by 400 miles due to going to different colleges. Broke up because I couldn't handle his depression and we were growing apart.
2) Second BF - Met on HotorNot.com, and he was also 400 miles away. Relationship was on/off over ~3 years. Progressed from 400 miles to 50 miles to 2 miles apart. Broke up six months after I moved to his city, due to my increasing mistrust.
3) Current BF - Was a coworker. Lived in the same city for ~8 months before the relationship went international (6 months). LDR has been coast-to-coast for slightly over a year now.

I think some supports I would have liked then (and could use now, every now and again) is having a local friend or two who was in the same situation and could empathize with being in an LDR. Advice/discussion forums on LJ have been helpful in terms of support and ideas on how to maintain the relationship over distances.

Does my relationship with Soop count as an LDR?

I've had a few LDRs but usually not major ones until Soop.

1) 15-I met a guy named Benton in an AOL RPG chat room (shut up) and we saw each other a few times for well over a year and we chatted online daily. We both had "local" relationships and then the one we had with each other (though I don't think our local SO's really knew). He lived 5-6 hours away and neither of us drove. But our parents liked each other enough to make the trip and they'd spend time together, too. Really sweet guy. But eventually we just drifted apart.

2) When I was in college, Chad lived a good 40 minutes away from me, so I usually just saw him on weekends. During the summer, we weren't LD. We were a couple for 3 years. That was just a dysfunctional relationship anyway with a lot of bickering...

3) I heard about Soop through a mutual LJ friend of mine when I was visiting her in Boston. So when I went home, I added him to my journal and he added me back. Thought nothing of it. Then, his truck was stranded in Hubbard, OH, and he mentioned it in LJ. I replied saying I lived nearby in PA and he said we should meet sometime. But he found out he'd be stuck there for a while and would I like to meet him and his student for coffee? So I drove out there in the middle of the night and met him. I was really attracted to him. You'd think him being 13 years older, divorced, and a smoker with three kids would have turned me away, but it didn't. We saw each other a couple times a month over the next year. Usually a couple visits to me in PA and I'd drive to KY and see him in Lexington. A year after we met, I moved 7 hours away to Kentucky to live with him in Frankfort. 2 1/2 years later, we got married. I had a lot of doubts at first about marriage to him and almost called the entire relationship off at one point, but now I don't regret any decisions and am very happy to be soopageek's wife. I look forward to a day when he and I can ride in the truck together again like I did before we moved. Our 3 year anniversary of meeting will be in June. :^)

For anyone reading this who doesn't know me, my husband is a long-haul trucker and the distance is always different. Right now, he's in Washington heading to Nebraska to get an idea of how far away he is now (we live in central Kentucky).

I had a g/f that I dated for about 3 1/2 years, and about half of that time we were separated by about 200 miles (she would occasionally go to college at UT Austin while I was in Dallas, long story there). The only support that I wish I had during that time was someone saying to me, "cut the bitch loose."

We really shouldn't have lasted more than a year, but whenever she moved to Austin it kind of gave us a lot of extra space. We'd see each other maybe every other weekend or once a month. That extra distance kept the relationship alive when it would have self-destructed had we maintained a typical relationship.

That's one problem with LDR's that a lot of people don't quite realize. It puts a very different spin on what a relationship is supposed to be, and offers a unique set of problems. When an LDR turns into a normal one, and presents the couple with the regular problems of challenges of a relationship it just doesn't work anymore.

but individuals in LDRs tend to idealize their partners more when they see them infrequently... maybe that's why it lasted as long as it did?

Maybe. In my case I think it was more along the lines of, we saw each other so infrequently that we never had time to really get frustrated with each other with each others little quirks. We had to value the time a little more so things that could have become big arguements would be difused quickly. The thinking was if we see each other for 2 days a month, why spent it fighting when we can just ignore the actual problem since we won't be confronted with it that often.

I wouldn't say this is always true. We were put to the test this spring when Soop's truck broke down and he was home for four months. Yeah, I was afraid we would have the above problem. And we did have little spats every now and then. But never anything that couldn't be solved within minutes. And I think we've come out stronger for it. Then again, we survived the Rob thing, too, and are still going strong. :^)

Remind me about this later----I want to get back to you on mine and Khaled's LDR.....it lasted 5.5 years. Methinks it ended extremely well. :)

I just have to clean right now....guest over in a bit!

Soooo, something (someone) that helped me throughout the LDR a whole was/were my roommates in college. They were wonderful 'good' girls. Religious and caring. They drank like once just to try and had never been with boys. lol...Yeah, I was in the quiet hall at school and this is what I get. In any case, we ended up getting an apartment together afterwards and they were always really supportive. Whenever I was mad, sad, tired, frustrated with the whole LDR situation, they would always remind me how much Khaled and I love each other and how dedicated we are to our relationship. They never 'brought temptation' into the house and were just awesome girls.

In regards to my transition...I'll get back to you on that in a bit. busy again, sorry!

Yes....definitely. They knew that it was just a 'phase' if we were angry. They always helped me look at the brighter side . I have had to remove people from my life that didn't support my relationship and would rather have me single so that we could go on on 'the prowl' together. Ugh. Makes me sick. Anyway, I love my friends, they are awesome.

As far as the transition, it wasn't so hard considering we had been waiting for it forever! Granted, there are things that you have to get used to....like farting, lol. It's just so much fun being together though. I am madly in love with Khaled, so living together is just another adventure. Plus, we kind of went into this marriage knowing what we wanted.....our plans changed prematurely. amd we were flexible. We initially wanted children after a couple of years, but I guess living together in a big empty house got boring. lol....We knew that we wanted me to stay with the kids when we had them....so I took on the domestic role. I hate cleaning, but I do it. He hates it...and does a little as he can....but he's also busy with school stuff, so I understand....sometimes. :)

I remember when were first together after not seeing each other for a while he would be really affectionate and I would pull away. Being alone (in an LDR) I had to 'turn off' my emotions at times in order for them to not get the best of me...I always had to have some control over how I felt because I knew that we were only seeing each other for a weekend and he would have to leave soon....it was how I protected myself from getting hurt. I would cry and feel hurt that he would leave again.....so I learned to shut myself off....more like auto-pilot. I would also do this because when he would leave I would be used to getting the affection from a guy and I didn't want me seeking it out somewhere else....it's to easy to get pulled in the wrong direction when you're vulnerable. So I was on auto-pilot. When we were finally together for good.....I could let all affection and love and everything good just pour out because I knew that there was no reason for him leave me anymore. That was wonderful.....ummm....what else? Letter work. We would write daily emails...even if it's just a hello. We would talk every single day, again, even if it is just for a hello....and we would try to see each other as much as possible, because if we would go without seeing each other too long, we would get really snappy. When we're together though....it's just a long date. It might be boring to some because it's pretty routine, but it's nice. We have what we have worked so hard for----our relationship. You can bet it's not something that can be easily rocked by another.

Yes Maaaaa'aaaam! :)

Did the LDR thing once, for about 6 months, with a younger girl (though oddly, older than my fiance), and it was just kinda bad. She had a lot of needs, and I'm not the best at dealing with really needy people even in a close-range relationship. It ended in tears. :(

The only LDR I've been in was back in high school, when I lived in Colorado and my boyfriend lived in California. I thought it was great - we exchanged emails and letters, chatted online and on the phone...we never fought and had so much in common it was ridiculous. He came out to CO for my senior prom and it was great. Our first kiss was sweet and romantic (nothing else happened that weekend). We both thought things were perfect. Then later that summer I went to CA to spend two weeks with him, and learned all about all those little personality quirks that don't come out in letters and email, like the fact that he didn't know how to drive (he was 19) or that he was a major slob. We started having little quarrels that we both felt really guilty about because we'd never fought before. We ended up breaking up at the end of the summer. I was heartbroken for a good long while and honestly didn't totally get over him for about two years. But now that I'm happily with Robin I can look back at what I had with Patrick and admit that we weren't meant to be together. He's a really nice person and I do still care for him, but breaking up was the right thing to do. I think the biggest problem with LDRs (especially the kind like mine where you haven't met in person yet) is that they're mostly an illusion. It's really easy to avoid fights and disagreements when your only method of contact is writing. I didn't truly get to know Patrick until I spent those two weeks with him and learned that we weren't right for each other. Everything up to that point had been an illusion. I don't have any experience with the kind of LDR where you knew each other first and then one of you moves away.