ilubmoney

Okay, so I've actually been in a horrible mood lately. I was hit hardest with depression on Thursday night and this morning (but Thursday was harder to deal with, since I had to put on a happy face for Chris's birthday). I will not go into the details of my sadness since I attribute a lot of these negative feelings with PMS, but I will relate one experience.

This morning, I woke up crying because of a nightmare. It was a very sad dream about the end of the world being destroyed by aliens pouring boiling water onto the planet, watching us die like ants.

Actually, that was not the saddest part. It was the first part of my dream, and of course, there being no warning, everyone including me died. The second part of my dream was knowing all this beforehand, and looking for a place to protect my family.

The saddest part was watching my grandparents die.

It wasn't a very gruesome scene at all. I had been arguing with my brother, and suddenly, the scenery changed, and I realized it was a sort of 3D filmstrip of my grandparents' last day on earth. They were very happy, travelling around Rome. Because they knew they were going to die and wouldn't be able to witness my future, they gave me "wedding presents": a red ao dai , a white, sparkling fan, and a red rose. Then their bodies began to fade from existence, and I realized they were dying right in front of me.

"Wait!" I cried. "Don't go! Don't die!"

I woke up with tears in my eyes. When I told Dominic about my dream, the dam broke loose and I started to cry despite my best efforts. It was barely controllable, and I had to remind myself that it was only a dream, only a dream...

A lot of interesting discussion lately from LJ coming from the blog_sociology community that I love and adore, and if you're interested in the sociology of blogging and bloggers, join! Read about someone's rant on why the Internet should only be allowed for public entries, or what people's examples of a well-written entry are. Or, a short post that had been locked for members, but I thought it should have been public because it's interesting:

"i am curious if the whole process of friending people was called something else completely neutral, like subscribing to someone's journal, would you still feel obligated to subscribe back? i have a theory that it is the weight of the word "friend" that makes people feel guilty about not "friending" people back. what do you think? (does this make sense?)" (I don't know if the writer wanted to remain anonymous, but you can find out if you join blog_sociology!)

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I took a nap and had this violent nightmare about an hour ago. At first, I dreamt I was being beaten and kicked by someone I couldn't see, though I could tell it was a guy. Then I was a spectator from a few feet away, watching the same guy kicking and beating another guy senseless until he was unconscious. More guys came in and joined in the beating. "Why are they doing this?" I asked a faceless spectator next to me. "Because they want to piss in his mouth and not have him swallow it," Faceless replied.

I turned and watched in horror as the now-unconscious guy was propped up in a sitting position with his mouth hanging open, the abusers pissing into his mouth.

So many violent nightmares. My theory is that since I'm not getting my daily dose of exposure to violence on TV (as I usually don't watch any TV), my brain is making up for it so I don't go on some withdrawal mode. Poop.

Forgot to add this morning, but...

Last night, I dreamt I had an awesome threesome with Angelina Jolie and Brendan Fraser. Which is kinda odd since I don't even like Brendan Fraser... but who cares? Angelina Jolie was in my dream! :D

What does this mean? ':T