ilubmoney

I feel like I need to make my posting quota for today, so I'm gonna share this tidbit from earlier today with you guys (at someone else's encouragement).

I went to my volunteer site today, and I was asked to help out a class of six- to eight-year-old students instead of my usual class. A seven-year-old boy -- whom I suspect has some kind of reactive attachment disorder -- was really "cuddly" with me today, and he kept hugging me all day. As he and I got ready to read a story on the rug together, he sat on my lap, and we had the following exchange.

Boy: How old are you?
Me: How old do you think I am?
Boy: Thirteen!
Me: Nope! Much older! Try again!
Boy: Fifteen? Eighteen? Twenty-one? Thirty-five?
Me: Twenty-four!
Boy: Are you married?
Me: Nope! Are you?
Boy: Yes!
Me: Oh, really? So where's your wife?
Boy: She's sitting next to me right now! (He tries to give me a kiss on the cheek.)
Me: OKAY, I think it's time for you to sit down on the rug. (I gently push him off my lap.)

[Later, while I was reading a story about pets...]

Me: Wow, that's a lot of pets! Which one do you think the little girl should get from the pet store?
Boy: She should get a slug. (He points to a pair of snails.) Look! This one is you, and this one is me. I'm the boy slug, and you're the girl slug.

He also deprived a classmate of a pillow to sit on when it was time to watch a movie. He was saving the pillow for me.

Is it sad that the only romantic overtures I'm getting lately is from a 7-year-old who might have reactive attachment disorder? :P

Teresa's friend filmed Jenny one day and uploaded this brief clip on YouTube. :)



Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! :)

Where do you guys usually go for your electronics deals? I'm looking for a set of decent speakers and a 20"-24" TV set, and I've had no luck at Best Buys or Fry's.

Thing is, I'd like to have a TV set by the end of tomorrow, so it's gotta be something I can pick up instead of getting it delivered (unless it's delivered locally). The speakers can wait a little bit.

Oh yeah, funny story. So I got a TV from CraigsList earlier this week, a Zenith 20" TV. It was a good size, but the picture was crap, and there were no plugins for my PS2. So I sent it back out on CL with a post, offering the TV. I also put out a separate post asking for miscellaneous furniture, including a different TV.

A guy whom we shall call "R" answered my first post. He was willing to come pick up the TV, so I called him, and we made arrangements for him to drop by.

Two minutes later, I received an email from R, but he was answering my SECOND post. He was offering to sell me a 20" Zenith TV with remote, VCR, and TV stand. "What do you think is fair- I'll give you a good price, but I want something near it's value. Let me know."

o_O

Wow. Just... wow. I don't think I'll be getting any more electronics from CL.

Something very bad has happened to my computer. I wish I could get a professional to look at it physically, but as it is right now, I'm trying to get a coworker to help me out on the phone or email instead. (Using my parents' computer to update.)

A couple of days ago, while I was doing a scan on my computer, little Jenny walked up and sat next to me.

"What game are you playing on your computer?" she asked.

"I'm not playing a game."

"What are you doing? What is that?" She points to the anti-spyware scanner. I thought for a minute and tried putting it in terms she could understand.

"Well," I began, "my computer is sick."

"Sick?"

"Yeah." I pointed to the scanner. "This thing is like a kind of doctor. The doctor is checking my computer to see if it can make it better again."

"Oh!"

Yesterday, I was doing another scan. She walked up to me and said, "Your computer's sick again?"

"It's been sick for awhile."

Jenny watched the images of the files "floating away" from a computer to a file folder. She pointed to the floating files. "What is that?"

I thought about it. "It's like the computer's... coughing."

"Is your computer breathing?"

"Yeah, it's still breathing! Wanna hear?"

I pulled her into my lap, and she turned her ear towards the quietly-whirring hard drive. She touched the part where the hard drive is. It's warm.

"Your computer has a fever," she said very gravely.

Some links-dropping.  Both are videos from Wong Fu Productions. 

Yellow Fever, a rant on why there are practically no Asian guy-white girl couples, and one guy's quest to find the answer why Asian girls go for white guys. I like how Philip's shirt says "Bai ren kan bu dong," which translates to: "White person/people look don't understand." Yeah, I'm not exactly sure either, but if you do, please tell!

The Coolest, Corniest Wedding Gift.

Julia had a student in her class who wanted to know if it was okay to say "play with myself."

"No, no," Julia quickly corrected her.  "You should say 'play by myself.'"

But, of course, the students wanted to know what the difference was.

"Well," she began, "you need two people to have sex.  But when you're alone, you play with."  Still blank faces.

She then wrote "masturbation" on the board.  Students quickly looked up this new word in their dictionaries, gasping and dropping their books when they read its meaning.  Hehehe.

Also, for gaming geeks: WWII Like You've Never Seen It Before. (courtesy of pumpsnail)

Behold, the greatest video on TEH INTRAWEB.

Hehehe, junk mail haters unite!  (Many thanks to Chris/quantumfoam13 for the hilarious links.)

A story told to me by Chris (quantumfoam13):

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
 
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
 
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
 
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
 
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
 
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
 
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
 
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"
 
I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

"You're all in boxes, sitting in chairs, writing down everything I'm saying. You're not reaching your talents and potentialities in this classroom. The way education is commodified, mass produced... and you're all looking at me like I'm dumb." (Professor Burawoy, 9/11/03)

Narrator: Office rule #9... Download porn.

David: We've got to access the internet. But it's not censored. 'Cause I can type in "sex," "fetish." "Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs." Now you do not punish someone, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs. (Gareth shakes his head.)

Gareth: If anything, they should be rewarded.

David: They should be equal.

Gareth: Women are equal.

David: I've always said that.

Yet another short Loveline excerpt.

Caller: My twin sister, um, came over to me about a week ago, and she asked me to have a threesome with her boyfriend.
Drew: Identical twin?
Caller: Yes.
Adam: These are the kind of calls I wait for. This is what keeps me coming back every night.

"If you're a guy, you have absolutely NO idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, EVER. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of."

++++

To a female caller:
CALLER: My husband lost his job a month ago, and a week ago I caught him looking at gay porn on the internet.
ADAM: Now, let's not assume anything yet. He might've been looking for a job in gay porn, and he was just doing some research.

++++

Talking to Serenity, a porn star, about one of her movies that begins with a funeral scene:
"I thought to myself as I was fast-forwarding through all this nonsense, "Do not start the porn movie with a funeral!" Because I'm trying to wack off. And I don't need this. I had to apologize to my penis. Drew, you know how if there's something horrible on TV, you'll shield your kids' eyes? I had to do that with my penis. My penis was trying to slip through my fingers, and say 'Hey, hey, what's going on,' and I had to say, 'Don't look, don't look, somebody just died.'"

++++

"I urge all our listeners to masturbate. Right now. Because it takes the wind right out of the sex drive. We don't want rapists going into society half-cocked and ready to go. If they masturbate, they'll say, 'Uhh... I think I'll rape tomorrow instead.'"

++++

"Women, you have no idea how many of you are currently involved in relationships that you're unaware of. And they're sexual, too. Believe me, the guy's going home and having his way to you. You women would be so repulsed if you you knew what guys were doing to you in their fantasies. God knows what Engineer Mike does to Producer Ann every night when he gets home to the privacy of his own bathroom. I would love to have some sort of data to support this, but I could tell you right now that if you're a hot-looking, busty receptionist working in some office building full of insurance salesmen or attorneys, I'd say at least 30% of the males in that office are having some sort of fantasy affair with you, and have had himself to you on many more than one occasion. Ann, I'm getting you tonight, baby. Oh, yes. You're in. You're coming back to work tommorrow a different woman. Peole are gonna ask, 'Ooh, you're glowing, Ann. Did you lose weight, did get your hair done, or did Adam wack off to you again?'"

(30%? Really? That's all?)

Midterm

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term exam paper: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant thereof. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
"As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
"With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell, because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
"This gives two possibilities:
"1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
"2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
"So which is it?
"If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Krissy Jones during my Freshman year that 'it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you' and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic."

This student got the only A.


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Hehehe, just a joke I wanted to save.