Back in SF now. I had spent the weekend moving the big stuff to the south bay (bed, tv, etc.), and I gotta tell you, after spending my first night over at the new place Saturday night, I was really feeling the "homesickness." It's not so much of a longing for home--though I did kind of wax nostalgic over San Francisco--as much as it's feeling like I don't (yet) belong in the new place.

I've been doing this moving thing frequently enough over the past several years that I know it'll take anywhere from 2-5 months to acclimate and feel settled. Oh, and I also have to add that I'm gonna miss having girl roomies. And designated fridge space (which I think I'll have to start at the new place).

MF's gotten me to finally start tennis. We haven't been playing any games; he's showing me the basics and helping me improve my form. At best, I think I've gotten to where I can at least tell when I've hit the sweet spot of my racket. I'm not sure how I'm going to continue tennis once MF's back in Syracuse--who's going to have the patience to teach me for free?

Also, I just bought 3 IMAX tickets for Dark Knight this Friday, and I'm heading straight to the theater right after my class. It's going to be awesome.

MF and I had a conversation recently about money. I admitted to him that when I make a claim about "being broke," I'm not really broke--it just means that my checking account's dipped below a certain amount, and the mentality of "being broke" at that point keeps me at a very safe distance from overdraft fees. When I told him what my "broke" threshold was, he seemed pretty shocked as my "broke" threshold is around the amount it'd take to sustain me for maybe 1.5-2 months if I wasn't working. But hey, I like having a safety buffer. Am I unusual for not actually meaning "broke" when I say I'm broke? Don't other people have a certain threshold that they consider "broke" before you get to $0?

As part of a deal that we made, MF is getting me to play tennis and is going to teach me. (I know the basic gist of the game, but I'm a pretty bad player.) I practically dug my heels into this one, but I demonstrated my commitment to play by purchasing a racquet yesterday afternoon, and not a cheap one, either.

I wonder what my deal is with exercise and sports. It shouldn't be this hard to try something, but it has been for me. Maybe it's because of some childhood thing. I used to get picked second-to-last (or close to it) for sports pretty frequently in elementary school. But even back then, I had tons of fun with sports when I played. Now I'm just too self-conscious.

Well, just gotta face the fear, right? I'm hoping that I find a cute tennis outfit to encourage me. :P

Three years ago today, MF and I went on our first date. We had dinner at Flames before heading over to the Improv to see DL Hughley (who wasn't that good, but that's okay). Then we wandered around downtown San Jose together until 2am. We both sleepily went into work the following morning.

I get a lot of tender feelings when I remember those early months. I don't think I wrote too much about our dates or times together--lessons learned from previously blogged-about boyfriends, you know, plus he wanted to keep things kind of private. But those months were full of that early magic and love that through the years had deepened into something else.



From coworkers to friends to sweethearts. MF, if you ever read this, happy anniversary, sweetie. You'll always be my Jim.


P.S. I think this now marks my record for the longest relationship I've been in. Here's to many more years of disagreements, making up, and bonding over food, film, and the Kevin Bacon game. Can't wait to celebrate all weekend long! :)

It's that time of year again. The time of year in which suicide rates are highest. (Did you know that? The highest suicide rates are in May while the lowest rates are in December.) But I'll get to this in a second.

One of my professors is a pretty strict behaviorist. He maintains that all problems can be attributed to either "too much of something" or "not enough of something," frequently both. Bored? Too much time on your hands, not enough to do. Fight too much? Maybe it's too much yelling and not enough listening. Want a boyfriend/girlfriend but don't have one? Maybe you're not meeting enough people. Or you're too focused on someone else but not on yourself. Or even vice versa. Etc. It sounds rather basic, but it's a useful concept for the problem-solving part when you're trying to figure out what to do.

The same professor today says that a lot of the milder mental health issues--anger mismanagement, panic attacks, bulimia, depression, for example--can be attributed to lack of assertion. People are spending too much time ruminating over something but aren't spending enough time problem-solving. Or, more specifically, too much time is spent ruminating instead of just asking for what you need.

This is where assertion comes in.

Maybe I've just been getting tired of datinandrelatin. It's just the same old story, really: somebody is getting mixed messages about something and they want to know what their love interest/friend/family member is really thinking. And almost every comment to these posts are, "Talk to them." But lots of times, the poster feels scared about talking to them. Sometimes it's legitimate (e.g. abusive situations), but most of the time, people will respond to reasonable requests. And you won't always get what you want, but you can certainly get it more often when you ask than when you just sit around and hope things will change for the better by itself.

Sometimes you get what you need when you ask for it in a reasonable way. Sometimes you don't get it, but then you're forced to ask yourself why you're in a situation where you're not getting what you need.

Here's an example. Once, I was upset at MF for not spending enough time with me. He had just started law school, and we were 3 timezones apart. I felt really guilty about asking him to call me more often or spend more time with me on the phone, because I had heard stories about the first year of law school and how it can be a relationship killer. I felt bad about trying to exert more pressure on him. But the longer I put off talking to him about it, the more frustrated and upset I got. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, so I sat down with him on a night where he did have time, and I told him that things needed to change. He's been a lot better about setting aside talk time with me almost every night now, and on the especially busy nights, he's been able to let me know, and I have a much easier time letting him have that space than I used to. Thanks to asking and some other important factors, it worked out great. But it wouldn't have happened if I didn't ask.

But what would've happened if he said he couldn't give me that extra time? I had a pre-set answer to that, too. "If I'm going to have a boyfriend, I need him to be able to spend this minimum amount of time with me. If you can't do this now, get back to me when you're done with law school if you want to work things out." I wouldn't have gotten him to spend more time with me then, but I would've taken myself out of a stuck situation, waiting for some guy who just wasn't going to give me what I needed. And honestly, would I really want to have stayed with someone who didn't even want to make some time for me, even just a bit? Nah, pass, kthxbye.

Oh wait, I said I would get to the suicide rate thing, right? Well, I was gonna lead that into depression. The paradox of (clinical) depression is that the person starts to isolate themselves from the things and people they used to like. And it's really challenging to get out of that isolation; when you haven't been social in so long, it's damn scary to try and reconnect with people you haven't kept up with. But that social reconnection is exactly what you need. And you have to ask for it. It might take several attempts before you click with someone, but without even attempting, 1 out of 20 attempts is still so much better than 0 out of 0.

Ultimately, you gotta start by deciding that you deserve better. Once you get that down, it's easier to build up the courage to ask.

Things have been good lately in various areas of my life, seems like. Maybe it's because USF is on spring break this week. No, I haven't gone anywhere or done anything out of the ordinary this week because I still have work and traineeship, but it feels so good to have space to relax.

Work
Getting the raise about a month ago really helped ease things quite a bit. I left Tutor.com as a result--I had a lot of good moments helping students online, but it was getting to be too much on top of what I'm already taking on this year. The current pay rate is also going to help me get through internship as much as possible, which brings me to...

Counseling
I had a quarter-life crisis moment back in January that I shared with very few individuals. I seriously considered switching careers because of the level of overwhelm I was experiencing in my Master's program. Actually, to be honest, I even seriously considered and applied for SJSU's library science program... yes, that sexy librarian talk was alluding to that. But mostly, the application was motivated by fear more than desire. By the time I got my acceptance letter in the mail, I had resolved some of my hangups about counseling and decided to continue down this career path. There's such a huge diversity and richness to the counseling career, and I would be making a mistake not to explore that further. At the very least, this career's guaranteed to be interesting (hopefully in a good way!).

Anyway, cross your fingers for me. I had an interview last week with a school district. It's in the city I want to move to, it's paid (not high-paying, but most MFT internships are unpaid), it's more of what I'm doing now, and the supervisor seems awesome.

Family
My family's doing well. I mentioned in a previous post that one of my cousins is getting married in April and is having a Catholic-Buddhist wedding, so that should be interesting. Mom's promised to take notes for me since I can't be there.

Baby Jenny is no longer a baby. It's kind of hard to see her growing into the elementary school ageset. She's outgrown her cuteness, but I'm always so amazed at how smart she is. It won't be long before she grows into the "awkward age"... Cathy is in that right now, going into middle school soon.

My family's visiting in May to see me walk. My brothers and I don't care much for graduation ceremonies, but my parents wanted to see at least one of us walk, and it being (presumably) my last degree, they asked that I sign up. So I did. It's a great excuse to have a fun, family day in SF.

Friends
Due to my busy schedule, I've felt disconnected from a number of my friends. This week has been my chance to reconnect with a few, and what timing! None of them know each other, and yet it seems like everyone is trying something (or someone!) new. Unfortunately, some of those resulted in heartache. I hope everyone gets a chance to heal and transition to better times in their lives.

Love
MF and I started this thing a few months ago in which I would let him know when my PMS week was, particularly when I'd have a hypersensitive moment. He's been so receptive and sensitive to this, and I've also been much better at letting him know what I need from him.

Recently, I thought about the time when we were just friends and how he had seemed the sort of person I would never date but become good friends with. How things change! The commitment really started to settle fully when I began visiting his sister's family in January; the positive relationship with his family members really helped to deepen my love for him in ways I hadn't experienced before.

Glasses/Contacts
I had my eye exam. Dr. Lem was very nice and didn't try to talk me into buying anything. Actually, he confirmed that contacts have no benefit of vision preservation and said contacts were really for convenience and cosmetic reasons. He also added that since I have a slight astigmatism, he'd have to special order contacts for that which are more expensive. So I decided to stick with glasses.

I didn't get any from his store since they didn't have frames I felt strongly about. I'm going to try ordering them online, but measuring the pupillary distance (PD) is going to be awkward. Eric recommended Optical4Less. Anyone have recommendations or tips on ordering glasses online?

Misc
Oh, for fun recently, I've been apartment-hunting in the south bay for an affordable studio. It's just helps with the whole "positive thoughts/energy towards the future" thing.

Also, I've been doing some research for cheap summer vacations. MF and I may be taking a trip with some other friends, but from the sounds of their summer plans, it might end up being just the two of us (and we're both very okay with that!). Caveat is that it's gotta be $300 or less per person. Someone suggested camping, but here's how that conversation with MF went down:

MF: "Yeah, that sounds like fun. Let's rent a cabin! Last time I went with my family, we got this cabin that had cable TV..."
Me: "MF! Seriously! I'm not against indoor plumbing and showering, but cable TV?! That's not real camping!"
MF: "Okay, Phuong, YOUR kind of camping--the kind with dirt--is the kind I don't like."

Um... no.

I liked the idea of going to Mexico or Hawaii, but it's beyond our budget. Taking a California cruise would be fun, too, but also beyond our budget. Oh, beach camping could be--bleh, nevermind. >:( Someone else also suggested a B&B, which could be pretty awesome. Maybe we'll finally do that drive down the 1. If you guys have ideas or recommendations for cheap vacations, that would be great, too.


Hope you're are doing well!

This entry is written to respond to a request about a quirk that MF has. Because, you know, I let readers dictate what I write and all. :P

There's no real theme to his quirks other than that they're peculiar, so I'll just start by listing them in no particular order.

1. When MF likes a quote from a movie, he'll laugh then proceed to repeat this quote 2 or 3 times in succession. Sometimes this carries over to retelling events as well; he'll repeat his favorite part at least twice before he can continue the rest of the story. It can get annoying, especially with the movie quotes, but on the plus side, if I missed what he said the first time around, I get another chance to hear it.


2. MF has a duck walk (aka. slew toe, when your toes turn outward as you walk). It's pretty noticeable, but he says that only one other person besides me has ever pointed it out. I don't mind it; I'm a bit pigeon-toed myself. It's like in a really weird way, we match!


3. If he's given a chance at Casual Fridays for work, he will either wear his Batman t-shirt or his Superman t-shirt. He did this almost every Friday last summer until several people pointed this out to him. It's not a good or bad thing, really, just a little strange in my opinion, especially in a professional environment.


4. When he puts Sriracha sauce on something, he POURS it on. This really upset me once because I made some tasty lasagna for us, and the taste of the Sriracha completely overpowered the whole lasagna, even the cheese. I was upset because I felt like he didn't want to taste the food that I spent quite a bit of time to make. Also, because we frequently share food when we eat out, I can't eat his entrees the moment he pours the Sriracha on. Most of the time, though, I don't mind it, as long as he doesn't pour it on my food, too.

That's all for now! Any other entry topic requests, feel free to leave in the comments. I have a couple of entry ideas that are just kinda sitting in a queue now, waiting to be written.

I was looking for a past entry, and I came across this one that I never gave the update on. It was the entry about choosing "our song" as a couple, and shortly sometime after that entry was posted, we got the song. It's Jack Johnson's "Better Together."

I had strong feelings about wanting the song choice to be organic and meaningful, and while the song itself was chosen by both of us in 2006, we did listen to a lot of Jack Johnson during the early parts of our relationship. So the choice felt semi-organic, which is good enough for me. :)

I finally downloaded photos from the past month or so into my computer.

( Weekend(s) with MF )

( Thanksgiving weekend )

Most interestingly, though, today I just got back from my first "tea time" experience at Lovejoy's in the Mission district. I met up with Chrissy and her friend Sarah there, and we were amazed that the place was so cute! I think the mismatched china and quirky decor had something to do with it. We had unlimited refills of the spicy citrus tea and the gingerbread tea (I highly recommend the latter!).


( Tea time! )

It was a very cute experience. If you're in the city, I highly recommend visiting Lovejoy's with some girlfriends and at least $20. It's not cheap, but it's so worth the splurge, and I think it's still cheaper than the other tea rooms in the city.

Just so I don't forget.

Last weekend, we went to an Indian place to eat a late lunch. I ordered a lamb wrap, and while it was pretty good, it had onions. I forgot to ask them to leave that out.

MF took the half of the wrap that I wasn't eating and started picking out the onions for me.

That was probably the single, most unintentionally romantic thing he's ever done for me. I was really touched by this for some reason, and I actually teared up a little. It was so sweet.

A few days ago, I learned that dementia and her daughter will attempt to fulfill wishes on holiday_wishes everyday until Christmas. Their big hearts have inspired me to fulfill a few of them of my own, mostly the ones that don't cost any money (though I did make one small donation... I won't say to whom or what).

My focus on wish-granting today was for those tagged under "significant others." tribute_mutant asked for gift ideas for her boyfriend, so I happily obliged with this idea. I'm sharing it here for fellow LJers who could pull it off.

I don't think I mentioned it here before, but for our one-year anniversary, I compiled all my LJ entries about MF and selected our happiest memories together. I handwrote them in a lovely notebook (and changed pens/handwriting to make it look like I wrote each entry on a different day) and was able to fill most of the notebook. I wrote a love letter at the end.

When our one-year anniversary came around, I gave him many other gifts from China but kept the notebook. There were a number of reasons why. Partly, it was because it felt unfinished. It was supposed to chronicle our first year together, but a good chunk of that was while we were on different sides of the world, so the book was shorter than it could have been. Mostly, it was because I was a little selfish and wanted to keep the book for myself. Whenever I really missed him, I would open the book and read a few pages, reliving the happy moments again. I still do that sometimes. I told him about the book the night before I left Syracuse, and he wanted to see it, but the book was in LA. Didn't bring it with me to the East Coast... didn't need it.* I was making new happy memories in New York with him.

I added another entry to the notebook after the love letter and will probably add a few more later on. The notebook could plausibly be full by the time Christmas comes around, so I will give it to him then.

The reason why I said "for LJers who could pull it off," I think the reason why this works is because he doesn't read my LJ. So I have over a year's worth of private/public/filtered entries about him which he's never read before.

Perhaps next year, I will do what welfy did for soopageek and create a fancy scrapbook. But it doesn't sound like those come cheap at all. Also, it requires tons of photos of us. I'll probably have to get a camera soon so I can start collecting for a year's worth of photos. :)

---

* You could argue that I don't really need the book anyway since they're based on LJ entries, and I could access them as long as I have a computer and internet connection. But it's not the same, people!

Our weekend in NYC was great! Again, no (digital) camera to show you photos, so I'll try to link to other pictures like my Philly entry. This will be a long post filled with images.

We stayed in Jersey City, which saved us a lot of money and wasn't too inconvenient (thanks to ertai's tip-off about PATH, which brought us from Jersey to NYC cheaply and conveniently). Our first ride on PATH was a little different from the rest. Imagine me sitting down with MF napping on my right shoulder and a drunk guy napping on my left shoulder. At first, I didn't mind the drunk guy that much because I didn't know he was drunk, only sleepy. And I, being tired myself, had lots of sympathy for sleepy people who had nothing to rest their heads on. Two young guys sitting across from us watched me for a few minutes, then suggested I gently push the guy off or tell him not to do that. Our stop was coming up, so I did tap the guy on the arm to wake him up.

He stared back at me with bloodshot eyes and asked me with a beer-laced breath, "Are you Cantonese?"
"No, I'm not."
"Do you speak Spanish?"
"No, sorry."
"I speak two languages."
"That's very cool."
Then he asked me something, but I couldn't understand him because his speech was slurred. MF pulled me away as we left the subway car.

Our first stop was to Times Square to hang out and do lots of walking around to build up our appetite for the all-you-can-eat sushi at Coco's Japanese Restaurant (which I'll get to soon). ( Images are beyond this cut. )

All in all, it was a great weekend. Really expensive, but I'd be willing to pay more money if we could spare the time. But I doubt it'll be my last trip to NYC. :)

I briefly mentioned in my last non-poll post that I was going to Philadelphia. What I didn't mention was that it was a date weekend, and it was easily the best date I've ever had with MF (perhaps the best date I've had with anybody). So I'm gonna post about it. And since I don't have a camera to chronicle my experiences there, I'm borrowing images courtesy of Google Images and pretend I took these photos. :)

We set out Friday afternoon driving from Syracuse to Philly. We kept missing exits the closer we got there, so what should've taken 5 hours took something like 8 hours to drive.



( More photos... )

Yeah, now that I've gone and finished reviewing the weekend, it was probably the best date I've ever had. There were lots of things that could've gone better or more smoothly, but even in those brief, rough patches, we got through it together and had so many good memories that outweighed the bad. :) In many ways, it was a much-needed restorative for our relationship and our selves (with me and my stolen purse and him and his law studies). I wish I could elaborate a little more, but I think my "fake" photos added enough details to my little account.

Gotta get back to work now! :)