ilubmoney

Back in SF now. I had spent the weekend moving the big stuff to the south bay (bed, tv, etc.), and I gotta tell you, after spending my first night over at the new place Saturday night, I was really feeling the "homesickness." It's not so much of a longing for home--though I did kind of wax nostalgic over San Francisco--as much as it's feeling like I don't (yet) belong in the new place.

I've been doing this moving thing frequently enough over the past several years that I know it'll take anywhere from 2-5 months to acclimate and feel settled. Oh, and I also have to add that I'm gonna miss having girl roomies. And designated fridge space (which I think I'll have to start at the new place).

MF's gotten me to finally start tennis. We haven't been playing any games; he's showing me the basics and helping me improve my form. At best, I think I've gotten to where I can at least tell when I've hit the sweet spot of my racket. I'm not sure how I'm going to continue tennis once MF's back in Syracuse--who's going to have the patience to teach me for free?

Also, I just bought 3 IMAX tickets for Dark Knight this Friday, and I'm heading straight to the theater right after my class. It's going to be awesome.

MF and I had a conversation recently about money. I admitted to him that when I make a claim about "being broke," I'm not really broke--it just means that my checking account's dipped below a certain amount, and the mentality of "being broke" at that point keeps me at a very safe distance from overdraft fees. When I told him what my "broke" threshold was, he seemed pretty shocked as my "broke" threshold is around the amount it'd take to sustain me for maybe 1.5-2 months if I wasn't working. But hey, I like having a safety buffer. Am I unusual for not actually meaning "broke" when I say I'm broke? Don't other people have a certain threshold that they consider "broke" before you get to $0?

Just in case you're wondering what's going on with my life recently, here's an update. It's sort of a way for me to organize what's going on, but it's also a chance for you guys to know in case I haven't been commenting/posting much.

The most major thing that's going on with me at this point in time is my counseling traineeship. I have a regular client caseload now, and they range from the fairly mild behavioral issues to much more complex cases that ALWAYS involve complicated family situations and personalities. Fortunately, there's a lot of traineeship support through school and the school-based counseling program, so there's are lots of opportunities to discuss cases and how to approach therapy with clients.

I mentioned before that I'm volunteering at a school center on Mondays, but what I didn't mention is that it's a program specifically designed for severely emotionally disturbed children. It's a very nice program, but at this point, I know I don't want to work with this population. I liked how one of my supervisors phrased our work: "It's working with ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances." SED kids are not just ordinary folks, period. But huge props for the people who can and do work with them.

Getting my feet wet in the mental health area for the first time has been very emotionally complex as well. I was very surprised to learn how closely tied my cultural issues are to other areas of my life, and seeing that tied to my professional life has been disconcerting.

Professional development aside, the financial toll it's taken has made my social life suffer a little. They're not paying me for the 20 hours a week I'm spending on my traineeship, so to make my rent and bills, I'm trying to pull in extra shifts from research and tutoring, and many times, the only time I can fit the extra time in for work is on the weekends. I've still made time to see my friends, but the decision always seems to hurt in some way; if I choose to stay in to work, I feel disconnected from my personal life, and if I choose to go out with friends, I worry about what I have to cut back financially in order to be with them (but I don't let myself think about that while I'm with said friends). Fortunately, they're all very understanding people, and I've been able to touch base with them every few weeks or so.

My love life in the midst of this has been thriving. MF is experiencing equally frustrating issues with law school and professional development, so we've grown closer as a result of being at the same place in life and being able to better empathize with each other. The new level of emotional closeness has really the physical distance so much less important now. Growth really does happen during conflict, and in an indirect way, we've grown.

My family seems to be doing generally well, and catching up with my parents or sisters on the phone always makes me feel a little sad that I can't be there to help. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the relationship I have with my dad and my teenage sister, but that's probably best in its own separate post.

That's about all the time I have to post right now. I'd like to put up a poll at some point when I have time, but no promises. :)

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Edit: Also, I should mention that I've learned some amazing things--about people and about myself--from therapy and psychology classes. I'm pretty skeptical when it comes to just reading theory, but seeing them applied in real life and actually work seems almost like magic.

The housing hunt has made me feel pretty stressed out these past few days. I'm mostly worried about having to take out my first loan for school and living expenses. Yeah, I know, I'm pretty fortunate for having gone this long without taking any school loans.

I guess I'm just pretty worried because I'm sure a lot of things can go wrong with this loan process. My credit is excellent so far, and I just don't want to screw it up, you know?

Also, housing prices are just NOT great in San Francisco. I keep thinking about how MF is paying $400 for his one-bedroom in Syracuse while I'd be fortunate to get just a small room for $550. Realistically, I'd probably have to pay about $650 a month for a room.

If I continue working at my research company with my current hours and pay, I could just about afford living there (but no car usage, no outings, and definitely some ramen/leftovers days). Financial aid loans will cover tuition. And I'll have to reduce the frequency of my trips to LA. Not even sure how I can put aside travel money to see MF or to get to Vegas for a wedding in June, but I'll try really hard to manage that.

Actually, I can't even assume I'd make enough money for rent/bills/food then. I expect my hours will be drastically reduced after I've helped implement this new system as it'll save a lot of time and trouble. Will definitely have to keep the other job handy for hours.

Last Saturday, my purse was stolen.

I had been pretty calm about it at the time and had hoped that it was only lost, that it would be turned in, because I've been spoiled by the kindness of strangers before. I froze all the accounts I had in that purse and dutifully filed a police report with the Boston PD.

The longer I've been without my purse, though, the more of a loss I feel.

The big things are obvious. I had my wallet (money, ID, cards), cell phone, and digital camera in there. But it's the small things that have been a constant reminder of my bigger losses. When I needed chapstick, I instinctively reached for my purse, but of course, it wasn't sitting in the usual place in the living room. When I wanted nail clippers, when I reached for a hair band to put up my hair, when I needed a watch, I would remember what had happened, and I would groan and beat myself for having been so careless about my purse.

But I've tried to look at the bright side. Most of the things in my purse were replaceable, and the only things that weren't were some photos I took from my camera and phone, which were not many. I also thought about the things that weren't stolen: my passport, which I'll have to use as ID until I get back to California, my laptop that I'm using to type this on, the money in my savings account. (Checking account was another matter. The f*cker spent about $700.)

Okay, okay, back to thinking positively.

The weekend was good prior to the lost purse. Boston is beautiful and incredibly charming for a big city, and I love how everything's within walking distance. I'm trying hard not to let my misfortune damper my image of Boston--after all, this could happen anywhere--but it sucks when the lingering feeling from the weekend is this sense of loss.

My phone was the biggest loss. Aside from being the coolest phone I've ever owned (I love the LG Chocolate!), it's how I keep in touch with loved ones. I had just bought it about month ago, too.

Which reminds me: if you've gotten some obnoxious text messages or calls from a 310 number last Saturday, I'm really sorry about that.

Sangeeta, MF, and my parents have been super supportive since the incident. Not that they weren't before the incident, but they've been doing all they can to help me out. I'm stranded out here until I can finish replacing my card.

MF has a 3-day weekend, and he wants to go out of town. Under ordinary circumstances, I'd be elated, but I feel really uncomfortable about asking him to pay for everything, even though I know he's understanding of my situation and I could always pay him back later. Paying someone back later just isn't the same.

You know, at first, I thought the stolen purse was karmic retribution for something I'd done. But if that were the case, then having close friends and family support me now is karma from something else, no?

Man, I'm so glad that my "Coach" wallet is fake. :)