My roommates--Jayna and CP--went out last night to Jimisan's for our going-away dinner. It's a nice little sushi place owned by Jimisan and his wife Kimi, who's also the hostess/server there. The roomies had gone about 2 weeks ago and were raving about it, and I can't think of a time when I'd been to a really good sushi restaurant, so I agreed excitedly to go to Jimisan's.

It was a great time. Jayna is a regular customer there, so when we came through the door, Kimi greeted her by name as though she were an old friend. We were seated at the bar and spent quite a bit of time talking to Jimi and Todd (the other sushi chef). I loosened up a few sake shots later. :P

Needless to say, I was not disappointed with the fish. Everything was so delicious, but the most memorable bite for me was the very first bite of the stuffed tomatoes (somehow cut sushi style so that the tomato looked like it was a piece of sushi fish wrapped around the rice and scallops). The only other thing we ordered was the tamago (egg) nigiri, then we asked Jimisan to make us whatever's good that night. He obliged happily. The fish were so fresh, higher-quality than what I'm used to in cheaper sushi restaurants, and the pieces were melt-in-your-mouth kind of good. I loved the ocean trout and the toro.

Towards the end of our dinner, Todd started talking about uni (sea urchin) and encouraged us to try it, that it was something one needed to try at least once in their lives. I took him up on this (maybe liquid courage from the sake). CP has a video clip of the moment--I'll post a link if/when she sends it to me. It turned out to be really good, and I could see why some customers would love the stuff so much. It wasn't until I got home later and looked it up that I realized that uni is sea urchin gonads. Still good, though! I'm sure some people may have had bad experiences with uni, but it was fresh at Jimisan's, and Todd warned us that we were coming towards the end of the peak season for fresh uni.

We got to talking about Jimisan's hat when we got to our red bean ice cream. He had this black hat that said "MANILOW" in big red letters and was hanging in the corner. Jayna told us this story about how a customer had given this hat to Jimisan and said that the hat was to be passed on to other people. "He was from Colorado," Jimisan mused. Someone suggested that CP take the hat since she was moving to Denver, so Jimisan gave her the Manilow hat and showed us a photo of the guy who gave him the hat so that if she ever bumped into him, she'd recognize him. Very cute little adventure for her. :)

Anyway, it was good times. I came home quite tipsy. Will post photos when I get them.

Back in SF now. I had spent the weekend moving the big stuff to the south bay (bed, tv, etc.), and I gotta tell you, after spending my first night over at the new place Saturday night, I was really feeling the "homesickness." It's not so much of a longing for home--though I did kind of wax nostalgic over San Francisco--as much as it's feeling like I don't (yet) belong in the new place.

I've been doing this moving thing frequently enough over the past several years that I know it'll take anywhere from 2-5 months to acclimate and feel settled. Oh, and I also have to add that I'm gonna miss having girl roomies. And designated fridge space (which I think I'll have to start at the new place).

MF's gotten me to finally start tennis. We haven't been playing any games; he's showing me the basics and helping me improve my form. At best, I think I've gotten to where I can at least tell when I've hit the sweet spot of my racket. I'm not sure how I'm going to continue tennis once MF's back in Syracuse--who's going to have the patience to teach me for free?

Also, I just bought 3 IMAX tickets for Dark Knight this Friday, and I'm heading straight to the theater right after my class. It's going to be awesome.

MF and I had a conversation recently about money. I admitted to him that when I make a claim about "being broke," I'm not really broke--it just means that my checking account's dipped below a certain amount, and the mentality of "being broke" at that point keeps me at a very safe distance from overdraft fees. When I told him what my "broke" threshold was, he seemed pretty shocked as my "broke" threshold is around the amount it'd take to sustain me for maybe 1.5-2 months if I wasn't working. But hey, I like having a safety buffer. Am I unusual for not actually meaning "broke" when I say I'm broke? Don't other people have a certain threshold that they consider "broke" before you get to $0?

I know I've been just posting links to things lately. And I'm not sorry about it, either! :P

Today, it's something that's both funny AND educational. Good God, this is hilarious. I got this link from one of my favorite photographers, charlottegeary.

Season 1
Season 2

Other news: I'm moving the big stuff (bed, TV, etc.) this weekend. It's back to the South Bay I go!

Also, just to share the love: for movie reviews, I love Spill.com. theferrett describes the site as being "a bunch of movie-loving friends bitching about the big summer movies, who all sound pretty much like my friends dissecting the film at the after-movie Denny's crash." The guys at Spill.com are pretty funny--check out their Love Guru review (which for some reason isn't on YouTube).

Also, I love how they speak my language. Their rating system, from greatest to crappiest film:
- Better than sex!
- Full price!!
- Matinee!
- Rental
- Some ole bulls**t!

Anyway, here's a sample movie review from them that IS embeddable. It's for Wall-E.



Edit #1: Sorry, just had to include one more. This review is for Hancock (which, btw, was awesome).



Edit #2: Just wanted to add a little more commentary. I think what I like best about it is that there's a certain kind of sensibility about the reviews that doesn't fall into pretentiousness. Each reviewer frequently makes solid talking points with their critiques while also admitting their own biases and personality quirks--one person is a comics fanboy, another integrates sex into his reviews, etc. And the humor is kind of what grounds the reviews, oddly enough, because it reiterates that their opinions are really just opinions and not self-proclaimed "facts" about why a movie is good or bad. That, and the fact that there are usually 2-4 people reviewing the films simultaneously gives you multiple perspectives and opinions.

But mostly they're just funny. :P

Awesome. Thanks to LinkedIn, I am now #4 on Google when you search for "phuong tran." Woo! :) Also, I'm #1 on Google if you search for "hong phuong tran." :)

(I am pretty annoyed that #1 for "phuong tran" is an Urban Dictionary entry, though.)

If you could choose, what other ethnicity/culture would you want to be born into?

As for me, I've always wondered what it's like to be white in the United States. Or, more interestingly, white in China. :P

It's hard to stand by on the sidelines and watch the people I care about get hurt. It's been particularly hard lately to watch them make decisions that have hurt them in the past, hurts them in the present, and will continue to hurt them if they continue to repeat their mistakes. And it's hard to watch them make these decisions in the name of "love."

Mostly I just sit and listen to them as they tell me their stories. Sometimes they ask for advice and sometimes they don't. I usually let them know some small bit of what I'm thinking if they ask for advice, but usually at that point, they've already made up their minds about what they want to do. So I bite my lip and watch fearfully to see what happens next, hoping for the best possible outcome for them.

Mostly, I'm hoping that even if their decision turns out to be the 243239th time it's been a mistake, I'm hoping hoping hoping that they survive the experience, learn from it, and grow from it.

I think that's more likely to happen when the person I care about is younger... then it's just a developmental issue, and stupid mistakes are more forgivable in youth. But when they're grown men and women making the same mistakes for years? I mean, people can change as they grow older, but it's hard to change habits. Can I still continue to hope that they'll learn from their mistakes and do something differently?

Researcher and therapist John Gottman is an interesting guy. Supposedly, he can predict whether a couple will divorce based on the way that they argue (and with a 93% accuracy!) and how intimately they know each other. Today I'm going to talk about the latter.

Gottman noticed that what kept a marriage loving and healthy was not necessarily the way a couple handled the rough patches. Actually, in his research, sometimes the "healthier" couples fought more than the soon-to-be-divorced couples, which makes sense if you think about the role of conflict in relationships and how they need to be aired out in order to be worked on. But I'm digressing a little. Gottman asserts that we have to know our partners intimately--really, truly get to know their inner worlds--in order to love them effectively.

This seems pretty obvious, but I don't think it's a concept most people sit down to actually take the time to think about. Gottman called it a "love map," a collection of unique data about your partner that includes their likes, dislikes, fears, goals/dreams, frustrations, etc. Love maps are so important in a relationship because they strengthen it. A couple with good love maps are better attuned to their partner's needs, making the personal transitions and stresses on their relationship easier to cope with. Being more aware of your partner's love map also means that you know how to make them happy and take advantage of this knowledge.

So for those of you in a relationship, here are a few questions to help you think about how well you've plotted your partner's love map. Try not to cheat. :P

• Which relative annoys your SO the most? Who's your SO's favorite relative?


• What got on your SO's nerves recently?


• What makes your SO go teary-eyed?


• If your SO won the lottery, what would be the first thing he/she would want to buy?


• Who are your SO's best friends? How did he/she meet them?


• What makes your SO feel stressed? What helps him/her feel relaxed?


• What's your SO's conflict style? What does he/she do to resolve a conflict?


• What's your SO's dream job?


• Your SO's favorite food? TV show? Sport to play?

You can even make it a game. Gottman suggests a "Love Map 20 Questions" game, in which you and your partner take turns answering each other's questions to sort of "test" how well you know each other. You can keep score, but keep it lighthearted, not competitive. Example of a question/answer round: Q. "How do I feel about my boss?" A. "You think he's a jerk sometimes, but mostly he's a fair boss."

A variation on this game that MF and I play is the "Ultimate Gift Box" game (I made this game up myself!). Each of us pretends that we have unlimited resources to put together the ultimate gift box for the other person. We had a rule that the gifts had to be tangible to put into the box. One thing I'd include in his gift box is an autograph from John Woo, and one thing he'd include in my gift box is a teapot. We don't keep score at all, but it's a fun, lighthearted game that makes everyone feel good.

If any of you readers try these with your partner or know someone who does, please comment and let me know how it worked out!

In my couples counseling class last Friday, it was suggested that the harder you fall in love*, the more wounds you have to heal from childhood.

Agree or disagree? True or not true for you/the people you know?



*Personally, I think "fall in love" here might need to be redefined.

Three years ago today, MF and I went on our first date. We had dinner at Flames before heading over to the Improv to see DL Hughley (who wasn't that good, but that's okay). Then we wandered around downtown San Jose together until 2am. We both sleepily went into work the following morning.

I get a lot of tender feelings when I remember those early months. I don't think I wrote too much about our dates or times together--lessons learned from previously blogged-about boyfriends, you know, plus he wanted to keep things kind of private. But those months were full of that early magic and love that through the years had deepened into something else.



From coworkers to friends to sweethearts. MF, if you ever read this, happy anniversary, sweetie. You'll always be my Jim.


P.S. I think this now marks my record for the longest relationship I've been in. Here's to many more years of disagreements, making up, and bonding over food, film, and the Kevin Bacon game. Can't wait to celebrate all weekend long! :)

I took a few career assessments for my career counseling class, and according to these tests, I should've gone into accounting and taxes. Huh, funny that. I could probably be good at it, but accounting & taxes just don't seem like interesting work to me.

Good thing I also scored highly on counseling & helping as well. But counseling & helping was only #3 on my Strong Interest Inventory; #2 was writing and mass communication. I guess that's what my blog's for!

These career assessments are pretty fun to take, though. I wish I had taken them in high school; it'd be interesting to see what path my life would've taken if I had known then what I know now about myself. I mean, I *was* Miss iLUBmoney back then, too, so maybe I would have ended up in accounting if I was pushed into it just a bit more. Still, I think I would've longed for something more meaningful and interesting eventually.

I just started what is quite possibly my favorite class of my grad program: couples counseling.

More later. I intend to share worthy bits of my rather expensive education with you all.

And yes, it is kind of crappy that the class is on a FRIDAY NIGHT as well as one Saturday morning + afternoon. But the first class had inspired, moved, and challenged me, so I'm really looking forward to what the next class has to offer, even if it is on prime weekend time.

My new laptop arrived in the mail yesterday. I ended up sticking with what I was originally lusting for, which was the Dell XPS 1330.



I initially had reservations about getting a Dell due to their famously bad customer service. But the online reviews seemed solid, and the system just seemed solid all around. It looked sexy, it was an ideal size and weight, and it seemed like it would have good performance, great compared to my breaking Latitude.

It's only been a little over 24 hours, but so far, the XPS hasn't disappointed. :)

I am happy with it's overall performance, mostly because I don't think I ask too much from it. What's makes me really love the XPS are all the little things: the sleek red cover, the biometric fingerprint reader, the built-in webcam, the fact that I can run it for 5 hours unplugged (okay, that's not such a little thing, and it's close to 6 hours if I don't go online). I'm going through some growing pains with Vista, but the learning curve isn't that bad.

I am concerned about some heating issues, though. It's still not as bad as my current Latitude, but it's something I wouldn't expect from a new machine.

I think I'm going to name it Roxy. It looks like a Foxy Roxy. xD I'll play with it a little more before I name it.

P.S. Also, part of the reason why I felt good about this purchase is because it's part of the (RED) brand and my money is (reportedly) going to fight AIDS in Africa. I've always liked the idea of a socially responsible business plan that's not necessarily nonprofit. Plus Dell's going to plant a tree for me. Sweet. Maybe my purchase came with some free karma.

I've seen this weird trend among my classmates and professors in which an unusual number of us have significant others who are either lawyers or are in law school.

Similarly, I've heard that many teachers have spouses or partners who tend to be scientists or engineers.

Have any of you guys noticed this? Or similar trends? I'm trying to find actual data on this, but my Google-fu is failing me at the moment.

I had my graduate ceremony today, even though I don't completely finish my program until the end of July. It's a little weird to walk a few months earlier than I feel I should, but it's better than having to go back to walk after a few months of being out of school.

I don't generally feel celebratory about graduations, mostly because I question the meaning of my own. I feel like I fooled the university somehow, like I was able to fake it through my year here long enough to get a Master's. I'm not going to feel smarter or more capable the moment I get my diploma, and I'm pretty sure I'll feel similarly when/if I get my MFT license. With this kind of attitude towards my own education, you can see why I wouldn't really be into my own graduation.

It wasn't until after the ceremony that I spent a little time weighing on what life has been like for me this past year. I may not have felt strongly about my academic education, but I'll be damned if I wasn't somehow transformed emotionally and personally in the same time span.

And ultimately, that's what it's all about, isn't it? Today I celebrate my interpersonal and intrapersonal growth from my year in grad school. And today's ceremony will remind me that long after I've finished my program, I will remember how much it has tested my strength, and I will remember that I am capable of more than I think I'm capable of.

Okay, here's another question that was prompted by my Tuesday night date with MF...

For straight guys: do you feel weird when a girl takes you out to an expensive dinner and pays?

For straight girls: would you take a guy out for an expensive dinner?

"Expensive dinner" in both these cases involve dressing up.

Today, I turned 25, officially a quarter of a century old. I could do with a little more wisdom, though. I know a lot of people don't, but I'm looking forward to 30 for that reason... not that there's anything wrong with being in your 20s.

It's been very low-key today. I spent a couple of hours with my supervision group this morning, worked for most of the afternoon, and went to classes in the evening. A lot of birthday wishes were sent my way either by text, email, ecard, Facebook messages, or voicemail messages, and I picked up a birthday call from my parents this morning and from MF at night... nice how the most important people in my life kind of anchored the day like that.

No, I don't have birthday plans. I think I gave up celebrating my birthday very much years ago, partly because it fell so close to Mother's Day that more people were mostly preoccupied about their moms, and mostly because it fell around finals season and a lot of people would be pretty busy for finals. It's sad to downplay my own birthday for that reason, really.

But when I turn towards upcoming events I'm really looking forward to, like MF coming back next week and my family coming up next weekend for my graduation ceremony, I celebrate that. Those visits are what I really want for my birthday.

Anyway, thank you all for your birthday well-wishes, ladies and gents! I promise that I'll actually try to celebrate my birthday next time, something photo-worthy so I can post pictures up. After all, I deserve it, right? :)

Poll #1184422 "Which of these is better?" Poll #24
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Which of these is better?

Just out of curiosity, I want to know more about wingmen. I mean,I know that they can be there to help with the "divide and conquer" strategy. But is there something else they do?

Also, I'm seeing this thing in Craigslist where guys are asking for female wingmen. What? What exactly do female wingmen (wingladies?) do? Or are those posters just finding a subtle way to post for a date in the platonic section?

I have a lot of single male friends, and if I could help them out by being a winglady for them, I totally would.

It's that time of year again. The time of year in which suicide rates are highest. (Did you know that? The highest suicide rates are in May while the lowest rates are in December.) But I'll get to this in a second.

One of my professors is a pretty strict behaviorist. He maintains that all problems can be attributed to either "too much of something" or "not enough of something," frequently both. Bored? Too much time on your hands, not enough to do. Fight too much? Maybe it's too much yelling and not enough listening. Want a boyfriend/girlfriend but don't have one? Maybe you're not meeting enough people. Or you're too focused on someone else but not on yourself. Or even vice versa. Etc. It sounds rather basic, but it's a useful concept for the problem-solving part when you're trying to figure out what to do.

The same professor today says that a lot of the milder mental health issues--anger mismanagement, panic attacks, bulimia, depression, for example--can be attributed to lack of assertion. People are spending too much time ruminating over something but aren't spending enough time problem-solving. Or, more specifically, too much time is spent ruminating instead of just asking for what you need.

This is where assertion comes in.

Maybe I've just been getting tired of datinandrelatin. It's just the same old story, really: somebody is getting mixed messages about something and they want to know what their love interest/friend/family member is really thinking. And almost every comment to these posts are, "Talk to them." But lots of times, the poster feels scared about talking to them. Sometimes it's legitimate (e.g. abusive situations), but most of the time, people will respond to reasonable requests. And you won't always get what you want, but you can certainly get it more often when you ask than when you just sit around and hope things will change for the better by itself.

Sometimes you get what you need when you ask for it in a reasonable way. Sometimes you don't get it, but then you're forced to ask yourself why you're in a situation where you're not getting what you need.

Here's an example. Once, I was upset at MF for not spending enough time with me. He had just started law school, and we were 3 timezones apart. I felt really guilty about asking him to call me more often or spend more time with me on the phone, because I had heard stories about the first year of law school and how it can be a relationship killer. I felt bad about trying to exert more pressure on him. But the longer I put off talking to him about it, the more frustrated and upset I got. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, so I sat down with him on a night where he did have time, and I told him that things needed to change. He's been a lot better about setting aside talk time with me almost every night now, and on the especially busy nights, he's been able to let me know, and I have a much easier time letting him have that space than I used to. Thanks to asking and some other important factors, it worked out great. But it wouldn't have happened if I didn't ask.

But what would've happened if he said he couldn't give me that extra time? I had a pre-set answer to that, too. "If I'm going to have a boyfriend, I need him to be able to spend this minimum amount of time with me. If you can't do this now, get back to me when you're done with law school if you want to work things out." I wouldn't have gotten him to spend more time with me then, but I would've taken myself out of a stuck situation, waiting for some guy who just wasn't going to give me what I needed. And honestly, would I really want to have stayed with someone who didn't even want to make some time for me, even just a bit? Nah, pass, kthxbye.

Oh wait, I said I would get to the suicide rate thing, right? Well, I was gonna lead that into depression. The paradox of (clinical) depression is that the person starts to isolate themselves from the things and people they used to like. And it's really challenging to get out of that isolation; when you haven't been social in so long, it's damn scary to try and reconnect with people you haven't kept up with. But that social reconnection is exactly what you need. And you have to ask for it. It might take several attempts before you click with someone, but without even attempting, 1 out of 20 attempts is still so much better than 0 out of 0.

Ultimately, you gotta start by deciding that you deserve better. Once you get that down, it's easier to build up the courage to ask.