An LJ friend wrote:

"So, currently, I don't believe in an afterlife. But I've gotten to thinking: What is lost in spending a lifetime of believing when the worst that can happen is believing until your grave and then not even finding out that you were wrong? How painless! Indeed, I have more to lose now being a non-believer potentially heading off to hell for non-believing. So: What's there to lose in believing?"

I can see his point, and it's a thought that's crossed my mind on more than one occasion.

I have wanted to believe again, and not just for the possibility of salvation. I've long been feeling a sense of loss and longing in terms of spirituality, and the small patchwork of spirituality that I've developed for myself so far falls very short from a true belief. Is it strange that I'm not even completely sold on the ideas of my own spirituality?

But it's true. I've kept spiritual ideas that I'm comfortable with, but I'm not convinced that these comfortable ideas are what I find to be "my truth," my bedrock of faith.

This LJ friend points out that there's nothing to lose in believing, but the caveat is that you've got to believe. I can go through the motions of the faithful, and the Church can have my energy and time, but it won't have my heart and soul. And I don't think those are things I can just give freely to whomever or whatever I want, no matter how much I may want to.

I think it was a priest who told me once why we abstained from meats during the Lenten season. He said that back in Jesus's day, those meats like beef, chicken, and pork were expensive, so the practice of abstaining from them was so that we would use that money to give to the poor. Nowadays, Catholics seem to have lost the meaning behind the Friday meat abstinence, and some may use it as an excuse to have that lobster and/or shrimp dinner.

The same priest--oh, maybe it was Father Ray from SCL--had mentioned that Catholics in other parts of the world have different practices for Good Friday. Instead of abstaining from beef, chicken, and pork, they make a conscious effort to do a good deed.

This is the version of Catholicism that I like and am willing to practice. We're used to the repressed version that seems to deny us pleasures without reason, but I really think that behind all of that, there's a more loving, generous side that's overshadowed by its flaws. Like its congregation, Catholicism is not perfect, but and there's a richness and complexity behind its mainstream facade.

Anyway, back to good deeds and Good Friday. I think as part of the practice of doing good deeds, it's also a good idea to reflect on good deeds that others have done for us, even if it's part of their job. And I think it's also okay that those good acts be unintentional, as long as their effect is significant and positive in some way.

Some good deeds/acts of kindness that I've encountered this week alone:
- A 10-year-old boy gave me some flowers he picked on Monday at Golden Gate Park.
- A teacher left me a handwritten note in my mailbox, thanking me for working with her students.
- A fourth-grade girl walked up to me yesterday and said, "Ms. Phuong, you're so pretty!" on a week when I was feeling a little down about my looks.

And in the past:
- A parent took me out to lunch when I left my money/bank card at home and had no lunch.
- At the risk of being late for Be Kind Rewind, MF ran to find me some eyedrops for my eye when flecks of something sharp were stuck in my eye.
- A classmate wrote me a really nice endorsement for my LinkedIn account without me ever asking her to. (I made the endorsement private because I wanted to write her one in return first.)
- MF's sister let me crash on her futon whenever I was staying in SJ super late.

What are some good deeds you've done or encountered recently?

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P.S. Maybe this nicer post about Catholicism is to make up for my sacrilegious icon from yesterday's poll. See? Balance of good and bad wins again!

Have you, my friendly neighborhood Catholic, decided what to give up for 40 days and 40 nights this year?

I wish I could give up my laptop sometimes. But I need it for work. Also for TV (except for Thursday nights), but mostly for work.

Maybe I could try blogging publicly for 40 days straight. But I don't see how that would benefit anybody, unless my content revolved around something useful, like how to identify phishing sites, say "Where's the bathroom?" in 5 languages, or make 3-5 meals in under $10 with only a half-hour (maybe I could link you to a Rachel Ray episode). Hmm.

Or I could try exercising for Lent. But that's just benefiting me (and maybe MF), and I'd want to help others. Also, I'm pretty lazy. (Maybe I SHOULD do this for Lent.)

Maybe I could offer a free ear to anyone who needs to rant about that asshole that's driving them crazy.

Or maybe I could do a combination of all of the above. (But not the laptop/work thing.) Each week, I could make 3 public posts about something useful, 3 days of jogging/gym, and one day of offering a free ear (perhaps consequently, my cell number) to a rant. All until Easter. Hmm!

Working with fellow disgruntled Catholics around Eastertime has given me a newfound perspective on Catholicism.  I've written about this before, but being "formerly Catholic" doesn't really mean you're not Catholic anymore.  Catholicism has a cultural characteristic to it that makes it difficult to escape, and it's more noticeable when you find yourself among other disillusioned Catholics. 

In other words, while going to church does not make you Catholic, NOT going to church doesn't make you NOT Catholic either.

Anyway, in honor of Easter Sunday, I tried to go to church.  My Catholic coworkers found two options:
1) Nondenominational Christian church that had a 7:00pm service.  A few had gone before and thought it was a little too "huggy kissy" for their tastes.  They wanted "fire and brimstone."  Somehow, we ended up calling this one "Hokey Pokey."  Also, this one required a passport to get in.  My coworkers didn't really need them since they looked clearly foreign, but I was going to need mine, and I had forgotten it at the apartment.  (Later, I found out the name of this church, but perhaps it's better to just leave the name out.)
2) Chinese Catholic Church.  James had gone there before and said they had earphones for the foreigners who attended.  He said it was the "fire and brimstone" stuff we wanted, but Dan felt unsure they were really going to have headphones for translation.  The mass was at 7:30pm, which would have given us enough time to eat before we left.  The fact that James wasn't going to go made me unsure about wanting to go here.

We decided on "Hokey Pokey" over "Fire and Brimstone."  We stopped by my apartment so I could pick up my passport.  We then taxicabbed it over there where they were not only NOT checking passports but were also passing us the first red flag that this wasn't going to be anything like a Catholic mass:



Looking inside the program (which I can't photograph because my flash would blow it out), there were only listings of song and dance performances.  Clearly, it was going to be more like an Easter performance program than a religious mass.

But with my ink pen handy, I found ways to cope.


"CATHOLICS OVER HERE (fire and brimstone welcome)"

We stayed for an hour and rewarded ourselves by going to a local Xing Jiang restaurant. 

Did I mention I had chocolate eggs for breakfast this morning?  Oh man, I'm such a good Catholic.  (Esp. as evidenced by the icon I wanted to use for such occasions.  But Catholic nonetheless!)

One idea I kind of liked from Catholicism was the idea of confessionals.  I felt like it wasn't really anonymous enough though.  I mean, the little screen between you and the priest?  There's no privacy in that. 

Seriously, they should start having Catholic priest confessional chatrooms.  Or something like that.  Maybe a holy IM smartbot that can absolve you of your sins when you're done confessing. :P

Confessions feel great, though.  Just ask PostSecret. 

There are never enough places to confess.  But I like you, friends list, so I will offer a place of confession, right here, on this LJ entry.  IP logging off (until Friday), anonymous comments enabled.  You may make as many confessions as you like.  I can't guarantee absolutions of sins as I'm not a Catholic priest, but you can still give it a shot. :P

Hello, friends.  I am searching for reading material that's related to religion but doesn't necessarily adhere strictly to dogma.  Works of fiction are highly encouraged (e.g. no wisecracks about the Bible, please... and I know this would apply to at least one of you on my friends list).  In particular, I'm looking for works related to ideas of God and Satan beyond the usual "Old Man with White Beard on a Cloud Throne" and "Horned Demon in Badass, Red Body Paint with a Pitchfork."

Movie titles are encouraged as well.  I've already seen Devil's Advocate, Dogma, The Devil and Daniel Webster, Bruce Almighty, Bedazzled, and possibly some others I can't think of right now.

A recent post from an LJ friend inspired this entry.  A bit of a background: during my exploration and rediscovery for Catholicism, I had interesting discussions on dogma with several religious friends, Peter and Viv especially.  One of the things we talked about was the practice of giving up things and abstaining from meat on Fridays and other special days.

Now supposedly, the practice of abstaining from meat but allowing fish comes from the fact that non-fish meats were more expensive than fish back then.  You were to use the money you were going to spend on beef/poultry/whatever to care for the poor.  Fridays during Lent were not designed to be an excuse for Fish Filet Fridays or for Catholics to have lobster.  In some countries (I think Australia is one example), the Catholics there are reminded of the original intention of meatless Fridays and have replaced them with Do-One-Good-Deed-Today Fridays.

I like this newer version of Lent Fridays.  I encourage American Catholics to consider amending their meatless Fridays during Lent. 

Also, the whole thing about giving something up for lent is not a bad thing either. It's really just making a bet with yourself and other Catholics that you can quit something for 40 days.  Sure, it's fun in a masochistic way, but Catholicism is ALL about masochism.  :P I kid, I kid. 



Also, to those celebrating the new lunar year, happy New Year!  What are your favorite traditional/familial practices for the New Year?

For me, I like eating banh chung, and I miss the after-dinner gambling I would have with my family.  We would play bo cua, which is a specially designed dice game, and Tieng Len, better known as the card game Thirteen for some of you folks.  There's also another card game with beautifully designed cards containing Chinese characters and images.  I don't know what it's called, and I wish I knew how to play.  If any of you know what I'm talking about, comment.

Dominic's parents told me about putting two red envelopes (with a small amount of cash) under your pillow for about 10 days; it's to carry good luck into the new year.  There's something about this that I like very much, so this year will be my first experience with that. 

Oh yeah, and helenmelon mentioned wearing new clothes for the new year. I'd love to celebrate that way, too, but unfortnuately, I can't afford to just yet. Bad luck?

I plan on commenting on her entry about it, but I also want to hear about what you guys think.

What do you think really happens after you die?

I know a good number of Christians and Catholics who believe you'll go to hell if you don't believe in God. This belief varies to a pretty good range; some believe you have to subscribe to their particular belief system, and some believe that salvation is sufficient if you just believe in a monotheistic God at all.

If a person really believes people will go to hell for not believing in God, I can also understand why they would try so hard to convert people, even to the point of threatening them (though these are pretty extreme cases). It makes sense. You don't want the people you love to burn in hell, right?

So what about the people who believe you'll go to hell but don't try to convert you to their side? Oh, I know most of them are probably just trying to be respectful about other people's religions (or lack thereof), but how much respect are they really giving you if they're going to let you burn in hell after you die?

Or are we all really "agreeing to respectfully disagree?" Maybe it's sort of like, "Oh, I don't really like the fact that you're Republican, but I can respect you overall because you're A, B, and C?" But how is that really comparable? This is HELL we're talking about, folks. It does not sit well with me to have someone say, "Well, you're going to hell after you die, but I think it's great that you donate to charities and adopt children with special needs."

"So what happens to people who don't know about God?" I asked Marc last week.
"They don't go to Hell."
"So why preach to people about God and risk getting them into Hell in the first place?"
"The Bible also says we're to spread the Word of God everywhere."

Now if we accept the premise that the Holy Bible is infallible and good, then this logic is fine. To claim Catholicism is to accept the logic of their structure.

Sigh. I'm tempted, but I'm not going into a critique of the validity of the Bible and how to interpret it. I'm already deviating from the main point of this entry, which is really: if you believe I'm going to Hell for being agnostic, yet you actually like me, why aren't you trying to save me? :P

Wait a sec. Let's say a person thinks it's sufficient enough to believe in a monotheistic God to attain salvation. Now how close would an agnostic be to salvation? They're only admitting that they don't know if there IS a God, so they're not quite rejecting God.

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Edit @ 12:43pm, More on the Vatican

According to this article by Yahoo! News, the Vatican says modern feminism is "dangerous for family." But a lot of the main points in the article doesn't seem to contradict feminist tenets at all:

"The document called for greater recognition of a woman's role as a mother and urged society to value it as real work.

"But it also said women's access to the workplace and to positions of authority should not be limited.

"'Although motherhood is a key element of women's identity, this does not mean that women should be considered from the sole perspective of physical procreation,' it said.

"The Vatican said women who choose to be full-time mothers should not be stigmatized, but at the same time, it appealed to governments to make it easier for mothers to hold outside jobs without 'relinquishing their family life.'"

As an added note, feminism could be considered its own modern religion. It's even got denominations of feminists! :)

A note from my spontaneous trip back to LA last Saturday:

Baby had spilled milk on the pew, so while people were going up for Communion, I went to go get paper towels to wipe the mess. I was the last one on the Communion line.

There are some things you always wonder about but don't imagine that it'll happen to you. Well, one of the things I wondered about was what would happen if they ever ran out of Communion wafers.

They were short one Communion wafer. And I was the last one in line.

The priest had already disposed of the blessed wafers, as priestly protocol required. So there I was in front of the whole congregation, openly shunned and banned to hell by a God I could not commit to via Catholicism.

Okay, so I doubt that damnation was what was on everyone's mind, though I could definitely feel and see eyes of judgment on me as I walked back to my seat. No one mentioned the incident afterwards. Either they did not notice (because some people bow their heads in prayer after receiving Communion), or it was too taboo to even discuss.

I felt like God had just revealed my heathen status right there and then. It was like I had made everyone think I was a boy, and my pants got pulled down with my back towards the congregation.

*Note: I realize that religion might be a sensitive topic for some people out there, so let me just say I'm going to speak mostly on Catholicism. It's what I was brought up with, even though I'm no longer Catholic. And I'm going to refer to God in a masculine sense for the sake of simplicity. If you want to call God a "she", that's fine by me... just don't attack me for calling God a "he."
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No offense to any organized religion out there, but I gotta agree with Beneatha from Hansberry's Raisin in the Sun on this one.

I absolutely hate it when people give God (or some equivalent supreme being) credit for everything good and blame all wrongdoing on either the devil or mankind. I also hate it when God is suddenly burdened with the responsibility of what happens to people's lives.

I was talking to an old friend, and he said something like, "I've given up looking for girls. I'll let God decide who I'll end up with. He's already got a plan for me, so I might as well follow it."

Okay, first of all, I can't see why any supreme being would want to bother with the individual, insignificant lives of mankind. If there's a God, I really don't think he'd care what we do. I don't mean that he wouldn't care about US necessarily... I mean that he wouldn't give a damn if we became teachers or missionaries, if we married this girl or that guy, or if we had kids or lived here. If George W. Bush was never President and spent the rest of his life in Texan oil industries, would it make much of a difference? Even if it does, why would that be so important to God? There are over a trillion people on the planet. He'd have to make a plan for each person and their babies. Probably recycle a couple plans, too.

Secondly, don't we have free will? Did I write this LJ entry because I choose to, or was it predestined and planned? Is free will just a silly idea someone thought of, and we're all really just pawns in the game of life? God, I'd hate to think so. Again, why would it matter to any supreme being what we do in our lifetime? If there's a God, he probably gave us free will to let us take care of the details. Heck, he even asked the biblical Mary if she wanted the job being mother of Christ. Now ain't that something?

Hmm. I lost my train of thought now, cuz I wrote this last night, and it is now 3:54pm, the 1st. Eh, you guys can finish my thought. I'm tired now.