I just started what is quite possibly my favorite class of my grad program: couples counseling.

More later. I intend to share worthy bits of my rather expensive education with you all.

And yes, it is kind of crappy that the class is on a FRIDAY NIGHT as well as one Saturday morning + afternoon. But the first class had inspired, moved, and challenged me, so I'm really looking forward to what the next class has to offer, even if it is on prime weekend time.

Hi again, people. Like I mentioned in the last public post, I'm working on a paper/project on long-distance relationships, and I'd like some feedback from those of you who have been or are currently in an LDR.

I'd like to hear some of your backstories on your LDR(s) and how they turned out as well as what kinds of support you would have liked at the time you were involved in an LDR.

I'll include my own background with LDRs in the comments, just to kind of start things off. If you have any friends who would like to include their feedback here, I'd encourage them to do so! :)

This post is for university students, or, well, anybody having to write papers and do lots of citations.

I'm working on a paper right now and just found this awesome resource online for doing source citations. Carmun has several sets of forms to help with MLA, APA, and other styles of citations. All you have to do is type in the relevant information (title, author, etc.), click "Submit," and they'll generate the citation listing for you. :)

Okay, that's all. Back to work! (In case any of you are curious, I'm taking my previous post on LDRs a step further and am writing a 10-14 page paper on a counseling approach towards LDRs.)

I'm pretty exhausted. I woke up at 6:00am to get ready and get to my school site, then as soon as that was over at 3:00pm, I had to drive back up to the city to get to my last 5-hour class. Just got home a short while ago, and now I have some work to finish up before bed. I may just barely be able to squeeze in 7 hours of sleep. (I think I've been averaging close to 6 hours of sleep each night, and I really do need 8 hours to feel fully functional during the day. I was so jittery!)

Funnily enough, I still squeezed in some time for Texas Hold'em on Facebook--during the dinner break for class. Sorry about leaving abruptly, Demmie & Rob; my professor decided to sit next to me as soon as the dinner break was over. :(

Day's still not over. Gotta finish some non-school-related work still. God, how am I gonna find time to apply to internships? :(

From yerxdog's LJ:

US NEWS AND WORLD REPORT looked at our nation's more than 18,000 public high schools... and as US NEWS does, it ranked them.

I am so so SO proud to say that the California Academy of Math and Science ranked #21 in the NATION.

http://www.usnews.com/articles/education/high-schools/2007/11/29/gold-medal-schools.html

That's our high school, you guys! We're #21 in the nation! Freaking awesome. :)

Just in case you're wondering what's going on with my life recently, here's an update. It's sort of a way for me to organize what's going on, but it's also a chance for you guys to know in case I haven't been commenting/posting much.

The most major thing that's going on with me at this point in time is my counseling traineeship. I have a regular client caseload now, and they range from the fairly mild behavioral issues to much more complex cases that ALWAYS involve complicated family situations and personalities. Fortunately, there's a lot of traineeship support through school and the school-based counseling program, so there's are lots of opportunities to discuss cases and how to approach therapy with clients.

I mentioned before that I'm volunteering at a school center on Mondays, but what I didn't mention is that it's a program specifically designed for severely emotionally disturbed children. It's a very nice program, but at this point, I know I don't want to work with this population. I liked how one of my supervisors phrased our work: "It's working with ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances." SED kids are not just ordinary folks, period. But huge props for the people who can and do work with them.

Getting my feet wet in the mental health area for the first time has been very emotionally complex as well. I was very surprised to learn how closely tied my cultural issues are to other areas of my life, and seeing that tied to my professional life has been disconcerting.

Professional development aside, the financial toll it's taken has made my social life suffer a little. They're not paying me for the 20 hours a week I'm spending on my traineeship, so to make my rent and bills, I'm trying to pull in extra shifts from research and tutoring, and many times, the only time I can fit the extra time in for work is on the weekends. I've still made time to see my friends, but the decision always seems to hurt in some way; if I choose to stay in to work, I feel disconnected from my personal life, and if I choose to go out with friends, I worry about what I have to cut back financially in order to be with them (but I don't let myself think about that while I'm with said friends). Fortunately, they're all very understanding people, and I've been able to touch base with them every few weeks or so.

My love life in the midst of this has been thriving. MF is experiencing equally frustrating issues with law school and professional development, so we've grown closer as a result of being at the same place in life and being able to better empathize with each other. The new level of emotional closeness has really the physical distance so much less important now. Growth really does happen during conflict, and in an indirect way, we've grown.

My family seems to be doing generally well, and catching up with my parents or sisters on the phone always makes me feel a little sad that I can't be there to help. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the relationship I have with my dad and my teenage sister, but that's probably best in its own separate post.

That's about all the time I have to post right now. I'd like to put up a poll at some point when I have time, but no promises. :)

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Edit: Also, I should mention that I've learned some amazing things--about people and about myself--from therapy and psychology classes. I'm pretty skeptical when it comes to just reading theory, but seeing them applied in real life and actually work seems almost like magic.

Two of my classmates made an interesting point about love having similar properties to chemical addictions--or really, addictions in general.

The first few times you experience a drug, you get an incredible high or euphoria, and you keep taking the drug to maintain or re-experience the euphoria. After some time, however, the usual dose of the drug isn't enough to get that original euphoric effect, and because you've built tolerance to the drug, you have to up the dosage to get the same euphoria. If you try to quit taking the drug, or when it suddenly becomes unavailable, you experience withdrawal symptoms characteristic of that drug.

Other criteria related to addiction (you don't have to meet all the criteria, just 3 minimally):
* the drug is taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended
* there's a constant desire (or unsuccessful efforts) to cut down or control drug use
* lots of time is spent on trying to obtain the substance, use the substance, or recover from its effects
* important life activities (social, occupational, etc.) are given up or reduced because of drug use
* drug use is continued despite the knowledge of having a persistent problem that's likely to have been caused by drug use

Apply the concept of love to this, and it sounds like a pretty familiar picture.

The first few times you meet someone, you get an incredible high or euphoria, and you keep seeing the person to maintain or re-experience the euphoria. After some time, however, the usual amount of time you spend with the person isn't enough to get that original euphoric effect, and because you've gotten used to seeing the person, you try to see them more often to get the same euphoria. If you try to quit stop seeing them, or when they're suddenly unavailable, you experience withdrawal symptoms (e.g. anxiety, depression, etc). Or perhaps because of the tolerance you've built for the person, you seek out a new person to experience that original euphoria again.

Granted, this is not the same picture for all those who experience love, especially when looking at the additional criteria for addiction. (If they end up meeting those criteria as well, however, they could be diagnosed with sex/love addiction.) I would argue that this tolerance/withdrawal picture wouldn't be true for those who are self-actualized and whose object of affection is more like a healthy complement to their life rather than an indispensable part of their life. But then again, I think few people qualify in the self-actualization department (including/especially me).

The same two classmates went on to discuss the biological basis for why we're attracted to certain people. I'm not going to go into detail about it because it's a complex subject, and I don't have sources to back this up, but basically, we subconsciously choose mates based on our evolutionary constructs. Our brains pick up--through scent--if someone has an immune system complementary to our own, giving our offspring the best chances of survival.¹ It offers an explanation as to why we could be attracted to someone who is, for nonbiological reasons, just totally wrong for us.

So with this thought, what about the experience of love that's separate from these biological bases? That, they say, is experienced with an emphasis on companionship rather than passion, the latter of which is where the euphoria comes from. Companionship is slow, steady, and has deeper roots than fleeting passion.

That being said, the ideal would be a balance between the companionship variety of love and the passionate variety of love.

Well, no shit! What situation in life doesn't require some kind of balance for the most optimal outcome?

The different thing here about their philosophy is this. In discussions about relationships, people often use the triangular theory as the basis for the most complete form of love (consummate love = intimacy, passion, commitment). In the classmates' discussion, commitment is not merely unnecessary, but it is an illusion that could "hold back" the relationship because you start taking it for granted. "Once you give up the illusion of commitment," said J, "once you accept that the relationship won't last forever, that's when you can truly cherish each other." It's the paradoxical presence of hope and doubt that open up avenues for real love.²


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¹ For the record, I'm a little skeptical about this. The evolutionary explanation doesn't quite explain why some people are attracted to the same sex. Also, this explanation is missing the large role of cultural schemas when it comes to mate selection.
² I just read over my entry and realized that these two ideas are strung together pretty loosely. The two ideas aren't reflections of my opinion on the subject matter, but I thought them to make for very interesting discussion.

Some of you may remember the post I made at the beginning of June about going to two 12-step meetings for my Alcohol and Substance Abuse class. One of my meetings was an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. Today was my second meeting, which was not a 12-step meeting, but a Moderation Management meeting.

I mentioned in the comments of the first post that Moderation Management is a harm-reduction alternative to Alcoholics Anonymous. The key difference here is that while AA uses an abstinence-based approach, MM says that you don't have to be powerless against the addiction and can set reasonable limits to your drinking. You can even choose to be abstinent if you want to or need to.

( My observations... )

I really like the idea behind Moderation Management, and even though all the individuals I met today seemed to be doing very well with their programs, I can see how such a program wouldn't work for everyone. Either way, with AA or MM, you'd have to have some level of self-control. I think with MM, though, it definitely feels like there's more forgiveness.

I almost wasn't going to post this up, but I felt that it was important to get people aware of MM as an alternative to Alcoholics Anonymous. Options are always great to have. There's more basic information in the cut below and in the link above if you want more information. Questions, comments, and thoughts are all appreciated. :)

( Some basics to MM's program... )

I just came back a few hours ago from my first 12-step meeting, which happened to be Overeaters Anonymous.

No, I don't have a problem, and no, I'm not in denial. :P

I came in with few expectations. Mostly I was hoping to learn more about the nature of overeating as a compulsion. And I did... I learned of a lot of honest, personal stories. But it was the kind of learning that left me with more questions than what I started with.

For example, what's the sponsor's role in their sponsee's recovery? Is it like the therapist-client relationship?

Some people talked about their "relationship with food." I had never thought about food that way before, and even now I am still unsure about what that means. But I heard people talk about not recognizing who they were when they relapsed, and when they did relapse, it was "like I was a demon."

I was unsure about what an overeating compulsion looked like. One of my classmates who went to the meeting with me said it's like when you keep eating (and not really out of hunger) to the point where you throw up or you literally just cannot physically eat any more because your body's extended from all the food you just ate.

I was previously aware of a religious component to OA (and other 12-step programs). Some OA members talked about their struggles with trying to understand/define what God means to them, especially in the context of their recovery. But even though spirituality was a theme, it wasn't something that felt "in your face" to me.

It was humbling to be in such a supportive recovery environment. (Ha! "Happy Together" is now playing!) Everyone was friendly and open, and I can see how some people would be able to recover from various addictions from such an environment. I've less skepticism now, but I'll continue to look into other alternative treatment/recovery methods.

Quick but happy note:

Congratulations dementia and robio for having their wedding celebration today! I wish you both the best and hope Vegas was a total blast this weekend for you! :)

(This icon is for them!)

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Just got back from my alcohol and substance abuse class. (Yeah, I know, on a Saturday, right? Sheesh!)

One of our assignments for our class is to attend and observe two 12-step meetings, one of which has to be an AA meeting. Admittingly, I'm not nearly as interested in the substance abuse groups as I am with the behavioral groups like OA (Overeaters Anonymous) or SAA/LAA (Sex/Love Addicts Anonymous). I'm making plans to go to either AA or OA next Thursday.

I think this will be a very interesting and useful experience. It'll be particularly useful for referring future clients to these meetings if they need to go, though I am thinking that for the populations I want to work with, SAA would not be very useful. :T I'll probably still go out of interest.

Have any of you guys been to a 12-step meeting or knew someone who did? I'm not sold on the idea that it'll work for everyone, but it could work for some.

I'll let you guys know how that goes next week.

I mentioned a traineeship interview earlier this month that rocked. Since the interviewer said that contracts would be sent out at the end of the month, I was very nervous this week because I hadn't heard anything yet. So I called and left a message Thursday afternoon to inquire. I would've been very disappointed if my very awesome interview yielded a rejection.

But I just got a voicemail this morning from the interviewer saying that the contract's in the mail. xD

I'll feel a lot more secure when I see the paperwork in the mail, but for now, I'm relieved that I don't have to seek out new traineeship sites for another round of applications.

More details about the traineeship to come in a future post, after all the paperwork's settled. But I'm very excited. I'll be placed at a school site somewhere in the Bay (hopefully in SF or close to it) and will be working with students on a variety of issues like family issues (e.g. effects of divorce), depression, bullying/fighting (cyberbullying in particular is becoming a serious problem), possibly even eating disorders if it's a middle school site (I remember a girl in middle school taking diet pills). Lots of client contact to fulfill my graduation and licensure requirements, but also lots of flexibility in terms of controlling my caseload. And I've no doubt that it'll be very interesting work. :)

Oh, and no, it's not a paid position, but most agencies don't pay their trainees. However, depending on the site, there is a potential for a full-time job after graduation. This is a huge plus.

I totally rocked my traineeship* interview this morning. It helped a lot that my interviewer was awesome. :) I was super nervous because it was my first traineeship interview and also my first choice program. News to come at the end of March, I hope! :D

* Traineeships are like internships, except trainees are still in their grad program while interns have already finished grad school. You need a traineeship to accrue counseling hours that you count towards graduation (400 hours needed) and family therapy licensure (3000 hours needed, but it includes the 400 from school).

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Edit:

On a related note, I gotta definitely integrate something about food in my Lenten (?) sacrifice. I had a brownie to cheer myself up yesterday and another one today to celebrate my stellar interview. Between cheering myself up and cheering myself on, when will I not give myself a brownie? (When they run out, silly! Ha. Ha.) :P

I'm looking for volunteers to interview on the topic of lifespans and development. You need not have any professional or academic experience on the topic, but we should be able to meet in person, which means you can be either in the Bay Area or Los Angeles area.

As some of you already know, I've started my MFT (Marriage and Family Therapy) program. These interviews are part of my class assignments, and although I'm in a counseling program, know that these interviews are not therapy. I'll buy you lunch as a thank you for helping me out. :)

If you or someone you know is interested, and you or they will be in the Bay Area or LA between now and April, I can be contacted for more details at ilubmoney at livejournal.

I had orientation yesterday and got a number of things squared away, including registration, getting my ID card, etc. There's still a LOT to do, but I'll get them done little by little next week. I feel good about this program.

My schedule this semester is also surprisingly light, with classes only on Wednesday and Thursday. (That'll be very different come summer, when everything I'd need to cover in 15 weeks will be condensed to 8 weeks.) Since it's light now, and since I don't have a full-time job yet, I'm probably going to schedule a trip home in February.

When I read about USF's program, I knew immediately that I wanted to go there, and I applied to no other programs. I got that exact same feeling when I saw this one job posting. Crossing my fingers for that... it seems like such a good fit in so many ways. I don't want to jinx it, though, so no details for now.

On the love front, I'm thinking about a flight to Syracuse since I could fly there on a Friday and return on a Tuesday. But I'd probably need to schedule that soon in case I end up getting a full-time job. (Note to E: Farecompare.com has fantastic flight prices, but it's difficult for me to take advantage of their SJC-ALB prices on a Fri-Tues itinerary. *sad face* Going to keep looking.)

There's a pool mixer in the south bay that's calling my name this evening, so I'm gonna go get ready for that. Have a great weekend, everyone!

I plan to be applying to a few graduate programs in the next year (depending on whether I get into USF this fall), and I will need to request LORs that are addressed to different programs. As of now, I'm still trying to select which programs I'll apply to. Do I just tell my references to write to all the programs I'm considering, even if I end up no longer applying? Is there a LOR service I could use so that I could have the letters sent out promptly--as many as I need, when I need it, wherever I need it?

There's one more application deadline for June 1 to a program I hadn't considered til now. USF only required 2, and this new program requires 3. I could easily ask the first two references to resubmit their letters to the new program in time, but three weeks isn't really enough time for a third person to write a letter (in this case, my boss). Ask anyway? Guess it couldn't hurt to try.

In other news, there isn't anything in Beijing I can talk about... publicly. Or in a filter. (Because it's kind of work-related, and I'm typing this from work.) I can say that I've visited the Summer Palace last weekend and hope to make at least one Beijing-excursion each weekend from now until I fly back to the States.

OMG YES I FINISHED ANOTHER COMPLETE DRAFT OF MY PERSONAL STATEMENT.

You have no idea how big of a deal this is to me.  :P  It's such a big deal to me that I'm willing to take up space on your friends page to say so.  So there.

Editing on the way.  No further news to report.

After not touching my personal statement for two weeks now, I'm finally able to get back to working on it. 

I know I shouldn't be this surprised, but I am.  I lost a lot of perspective those last few weeks in the States, panicking over what an admissions committee would want while simultaneously worried about putting things in order, visiting friends before I left.

When I arrived in Beijing, I had to make a lot of introductions.  It wasn't until I had a heart-to-heart talk with Sarah that I remembered why I wanted to go into counseling.

Sarah was a psych major.  I was happy to learn that she also wanted to go into counseling, and that we both felt similarly about psychology and sociology.

I also received a message from a former student.  We had become friends during the time I tutored her, so I was really happy she kept in touch and updated me with a higher math grade. 

A combination of both these things had me thinking about my personal statement again, and not just for the admissions committee but for me as well.  Still, what good will it do if I can't find time to sit down and work on it...?

Oh my goodness!  USF's counseling program is perfect, you guys!

Sorry.  I've been working on grad school things for awhile now.

The personal statement/statement of intent is the most intriguing part of the application process.  For a lot of "borderline" applications (like me), it's the dealmaker/dealbreaker. 

But it's also the part that requires then most soul-searching.  While brainstorming for ideas, I came across an old personal statement written for admittance into an honors program.  It was written three or four years ago, and it spoke about pursuing a career in counseling.  The essay reminded me of the reasons why I started thinking about it in high school, and I thought about all the experiences I had since then that brought me back to counseling.

So after doing more research on counseling programs, I am pleased to see that USF has a school-based family counseling component (SBFC).  SFSU also has a great counseling program, but I would have to have two specializations to get a comparable curriculum.  CSULA also has a SBFC program, but to be honest, I'd rather stay in the Bay Area.

Anyone want to help me with the statement of intent?  I'd love a couple of readers for input.

I'm preparing for my grad school applications soon, and I need two letters of recommendation.  I plan to ask my center director for one, and I have good reason to believe that she will write me an excellent letter supporting my decision to go into school counseling/psychology.

This leaves the question of the second letter.  Grad schools prefer that the letters be from professors.  I was familiar with two of my professors at Berkeley (one of which was a job reference that landed me the research position), but I have not had their classes in over a year, and I've already been out of school for nine months. 

I still have their contact information.  Should I contact both to see if they could offer letters of rec?  Should I offer to write it for them and have them edit/sign it?  Both can attest to my academic capabilities.

My other potential letter of rec is from another center director, but I'd rather avoid that.  Despite her familiarity with my work, I need to diversify my contacts!  :(